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Monday 15 October 2012

Painful Turds



For me, there’s nothing more delightful than turning to my guests at the end of a meal and asking, "Who's up for a Painful Turd?"

As soon as the question leaves my lips, my guests practically rise out of their chairs in anticipation. (Or is that the result of broccoli backwind?) In any case, Painful Turds are as much a part of caker culture as−

Okay, okay. They’re not called Painful Turds. I made that up. They’re really called Chow Mein Noodles Chipit Crunchies. But my name is just so much more…visually appropriate, don’t you think?

Don’t let appearances fool you, though. These delicious drops have been a popular fixture at caker bake sales for years. And they're as easy to make as JELL-O. Just make sure you use the crunchy chow mein noodles and not the soft kind. After all, no one likes a soggy turd.

12 ounces chocolate chips
12 ounces butterscotch chips
2 cups peanuts
2 cups chow mein noodles

Melt chocolate and butterscotch chips slowly in pan. Stir, then add noodles and peanuts. Mix thoroughly, then drop by spoonful on waxed paper. Chill, then pack in sealed container.

Source: Birr United Church Treasured Recipes



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9 comments:

  1. Eartha Kitsch15 October 2012 at 07:35

    Oh my gosh, I make these too but only call them "Twig Piles". Your name is MUCH better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. veg-o-matic15 October 2012 at 09:20

    "Who's up for a Painful Turd?"

    Thanks, Brian. Laughed hard. Really, really hard.

    You owe me a new pair of pants.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brian Francis15 October 2012 at 20:14

      A new pair of acid wash jeans with faux leather trim is on its way to you. Wear them proudly.

      Delete
    2. fifilaru17 October 2012 at 01:09

      What no studs or sequins?

      Delete
    3. Brian Francis17 October 2012 at 18:38

      Now that would just be tacky.

      Delete
  3. kjlutz4 December 2012 at 11:05

    laughed until I cried reading this... these are one of my favourite Christmas cookies, only we typically call them something else.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brian Francis4 December 2012 at 19:19

      There's a bunch of different names for this recipe, kjlutz. It pops up in my cookbooks from time to time. But never as Painful Turds. I'm trademarking that. Watch for Painful Turds on Walmart shelves in early 2013.

      Delete
  4. Sparkina4 May 2013 at 19:32

    I would call them crispy clusters, but that's just me

    ReplyDelete