Chicken Mousse

Well, we made it. The final recipe of my Caker Cooking 2020 revival. And what a revival it’s been! We’d laid a few eggs, munched on some wieners and chowed down on damp muffins. It’s been a lot of work – and a lot of saturated fat. But it’s all been worth it. Sorta.

I promised I’d save the worst caker recipe for last and, as the Eurythmics asked, “Would I lie to you?” Most of us know there was a dark chapter in the ‘60s and ‘70s when people thought mixing Jell-O with bad things was tasty. Like olives. Or salmon. Or tomatoes. I don’t know if people were downing too much Contact C or inhaling Aqua Net hair spray fumes, but clearly, something went wrong. Very wrong. 

This week, I give you the jiggly horror that is Chicken Mousse, taken from 1963’s Joys of Jell-O. A warning: there is very little joy here. Only misery. This recipe comes from the bowels of hell. 

Check out these ingredients. It reads like Jason Voorhee’s grocery list: 

1 package Lemon Jell-O

½ tsp salt

1 ¾ cups boiling chicken broth

Dash of cayenne

2 tbsp vinegar

1/3 cup whipping cream

1/3 cup mayonnaise

1 cup diced cooked chicken

1 cup finely diced celery

1 tbsp chopped pimento

Dissolve Jell-O and salt in boiling broth. Add cayenne and vinegar. Chill until very thick. Whip the cream, then fold cream and mayonnaise into gelatin, blending well. Fold in remaining ingredients. Pour into 1-quart mold or individual molds. Chill until firm. Makes 4 servings.

Just look at this picture! Have you ever seen more dissimilar things standing next to one another? I considered submitting it to Awkward Family Photos.

I’ve never been more disappointed to see whipped cream in my life. It even looks like one of those hurricane radar images on the news. Gird your loins. There’s a Category 7 caker catastrophe headed this way LOL!

Everyone had an aunt who served these unholy Jell-O salads at family functions. Now that I think about it, it might have been a clever ploy to ensure no family ever came to visit you again. Looks like Great Aunt Millicent was more strategic than I thought.

I tossed out all my old Jell-O molds when I wrapped up this blog back in 2014. And given that the ol’ Val Vill is currently closed, I had to go with the best thing I could find – mini loaf pans. Granted, they’re not as pretty as a mold. Then again, I’m making Chicken Mousse, so…

The problem was that the portions ended up looking like bricks. So I’ve renamed this recipe The Devil’s Bricks. I think it’s more appropriate. 

But how did Chicken Mousse actually taste? Well, you might be surprised to hear but…not bad! The saltiness of the broth was the perfect marriage to the citrusy sweetness of the Jell-O and the chicken added – oh, who am I kidding? It was HORRIBLE!!! I literally shuddered every time I took a bite. And if you know anything about me – and this blog – that says a lot.

The main issue is that there’s just too much going on. You get the sweet Jell-O, then the tang of the mayo, then the creaminess of the whipped cream. And then there’s the celery…and the chicken. Every time I bit down, some new horror awaited. 

Worst of all, I think I invoked an evil spirit by making this. The other day, a bunch of black flies swarmed my kitchen window (more than usual, I mean), my Ronco Inside the Eggshell Egg Scrambler went on the fritz and every time I eat, I get fiery pains in my stomach (more than usual, I mean). Call me paranoid but look at this picture and tell me an exorcism isn’t needed!

Before I get on the phone with Father O’Connor, I want to thank you for joining me on this revival. I hope you enjoyed some of these new caker recipes. And should the world find itself in need of another casserole in the days ahead, I’m only a can opener away.

Until then, continue to stay home, stay safe and never, ever make Chicken Mousse.