Friday 25 July 2014

A Caker in Itlee: Special Investigative Report

Recently, I went to Itlee with all my Italian in-laws. Have you ever travelled with 11 Italians? Getting everyone in one place at one time was like trying to lasso Ragu. And the lasso is a piece of over-boiled spaghetti.

Speaking of over-boiled spaghetti, we all know that Italian-Canadians don't exactly hold caker culture in the highest regard. After all, they were the ones who called us “cakers” in the first place. But what about Italy Italians? I put on my Rafaella Carra wig and went undercover. You may be surprised by what I found.


Lookie here! Kraft cheese slices. Although the name is a little too close to “toilet” for me.

Why don’t we have McDonald’s mayonnaise in Canada? And where was the McMiracle Whip?

Italians love fish sticks. Although they spelled “captian” wrong. LOL!

Chocolate Corn Flakes. I briefly considered moving to Italy just for these.

This is Italian ketchup. Why is the tomato mascot is wearing a toque and gloves? Does he think he’s Canadian?

From here on out, I’m putting chocolate chips on my JELL-O, too.

Proudly being served by Italian great aunts this very minute.

I wish Hotel Bologna was in Canada. Heck, I’d even settle for Hotel Mock Chicken.

We were served these hors d’ouevres on a bar patio. Uh, that’s white bread, ketchup and a hot dog slice. Hmm. Wonder what those Italian-Canadians would say.


A few other observations:

Water is pretty expensive in Italy, but there are fountains in the bathrooms. Drinking next to the toilet was a little weird. But it wasn’t the first time I’ve done it.

Some people have a very specific idea of hell. This is mine.

Which explains why most of the cars look like this.

You know that expression about pulling your hair out? Italians really mean it.

This sign was above a playground. I wish I had a baby cottage when I was growing up. Instead, my mom used to stick me inside a cardboard box. Anyway, I hope this sign made sense to the Italian-speaking people because it sure didn’t make sense to the English-speaking people.

Italian pigeons look just like Canadian pigeons.

Everyone made a big deal about this tower, but hello? It’s crooked.

I got pretty excited when I saw this. “WHERE'S THE CHURCH?!?” I screamed. Turns out that “bazar” means store.

All in all, Italy was a great place for cakers of all shapes and sizes. Just make sure that when you cross the street, point, say a prayer and run because it could be the last thing you do.

Ci vediamo la prossima settimana con una nuova ricetta Caker!


  1. Hurrah! I got to read this in my lunch break! I'm the first to comment! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW.

    I am going to copy those canapes. I like the one that looks like it has really white mayonnaise and tinned tuna delicately flaked and sprinkled on top.

    Looks like you had a smashing time. Did you smuggle home some of the McDonalds Mayo? I like the mmmmhhh.... on the tube x

    1. Congratulations on being the first to comment! You've won a brick of Velveeta!
      I didn't steal any mayo, although I was tempted. I can't figure what makes McDonald's mayo different than regular mayo. Maybe it tastes like a Big Mac.

    2. VELVEEEEEETA! We don't get that in my neck of the woods, isn't that more expensive pound per pound than caviar? I shall wait for the British postman to try and squeeze it through my letterbox at some point soon.

  2. Mayo in a squeeze tube!!! You must have been in heaven. Also how convenient to have a water fountain in the bathroom. Nothing like a cool drink and some fresh water to splash on your face after a rigorous day of touring . These Italian bathroom fountains seem a little low to the ground though Brian....?????

    1. It was a little low. But Italian bathrooms are weird spaces to begin with. And smal! Every time I bent over at the sink, my butt would hit the shower stall door.

  3. As an arse washing european who very much favours a bidet, all I' m going to say is 'Rinse and spit Brian, rinse and spit!' xxx

    1. Hold on. Are you saying that WASN'T a water fountain???

  4. Italian tumbleweaves. Unbeweavable.

  5. This post made me laugh out loud! I'm Italian and I have a theory that most Italians are closet cakers. Frankly, I think they're all tired of slaving over homemade lasagna and cannoli and they just want to sit back and enjoy a plate of over cooked spaghetti with Ragu.

    1. Your secret is safe with me. Come for dinner. We'll have caker lasagna and Chef Boyardee ravioli.

  6. Seriously, why DON'T we have McDonald's mayo in a tube? Those Eye-talians get ALL the nice things. *stamps foot and pouts*