Sunday 19 April 2020

Tortilla Pizza

With everyone self-isolating, many parents are dealing with kids at home 24/7. And parenting is a lot harder than when I was growing up in the '70s. The main difference being that, these days, parents are supposed to pay attention to their kids. True story: When I was eight, I got lost in the living room shag carpet for four days before my parents noticed I was missing.

What better opportunity to enjoy some wholesome family time making caker food? This week’s recipe for Tortilla Pizza comes from Our Family Favourites, published by The Stirling Primary/Junior School. I’m assuming the recipe was submitted by a child. (I’m really, really hoping so, anyway.)

1 whole wheat tortilla
Grated cheese
Chili powder

Spread ketchup on tortilla. Sprinkle with grated cheese. Sprinkle with chili powder. Microwave for about one minute or till cheese is melted. Roll up or cut into pizza slices. 

This recipe may seem simple enough, but as someone who worked at Pizza Hut, I can tell you that making pizza is never as easy as it seems. It’s important to layer things in the correct order. Otherwise, a blanket of cheese will come sliding off and burn your chin. 

This pizza follows in the time-honoured caker tradition of pizza making. We turn anything into pizzas. English Muffins. Hamburger buns. Or, if we’re entertaining and have access to a toaster oven, Triscuits. 

I imagine many Italians reading this are biting their fists about the ketchup-as-sauce thing. And I don’t blame you. Everyone knows Ragu makes for a better pizza base. But in this recipe's defence, it does call for a whole wheat tortilla. I respect that. Because health.

I don’t own a microwave, so I baked the pizza for about 10 minutes at 350 degrees. Honestly, it was the one saving grace. The idea of microwaving this and eating hot ketchup was a little troublesome, even for me. 

In terms of how it tasted, it’s not as bad as you think. The sauce was a little sweet. Then again, it’s ketchup, not sauce. But it had a nice chew. And you couldn't ask for a thinner crust!

I’m not sure what the chili powder added, but I’ve always been suspicious of that spice. I think it’s red-coloured dust. And I would’ve preferred a canned mushroom or two. But I'm one of those bon vivant types. 

I hope you find time to make this pizza whether you have kids or not. And remember: Teaching kids about other cultures is, like, really important. From my family to yours, buon appetito!

We’ll see you next week for another wholesome recipe. Until then, stay safe, stay home and eat caker food. 


  1. It has taken years but it finally happened. This recipe actually triggered my gag reflex before you had even cooked it. Good job! I can't wait for next week ♥️

    1. It's not a caker recipe unless there's a gag reflex, heart palpitations or a slow burning in your stomach that wakes you up at 2 a.m.