Monday 5 March 2012

Coke Roast

First off, get the good stuff. I’m talking Colombian. Roasts are expensive and you don’t want to be throwing money away on substandard cocaine. Next, sprinkle the cocaine over the roast and…

Oh, who am I kidding? This roast is made with Coca Cola, not cocaine. Do you think cakers can even afford cocaine? The most hardcore we get is a few discreet sniffs of Liquid Paper while painting our nails white.

I’ve never met a caker who didn’t love a Sunday roast, especially if it’s been cooked in pop. (My sister swears by a combination of Lipton Onion Soup mix and ginger ale.) While visiting my Mom last Sunday, I found this recipe in her copy of The Four Ingredient Cookbooks, or, as I call it, If You’re a Caker and Can Count to Four, You’re in Luck.

My mom and I gave this roast two thumbs up. It was tender, sweet and tangy. Note the side of broccoli. I've already discussed the caker condition known as "broccoli backwind." My sincere apologies to the other passengers on the Greyhound bus that night.

Beef Brisket or Roast
1 package dry onion soup mix
1 (12 ounce) jar chili sauce
1 (12 ounce) can regular Coke

Mix soup, chili sauce and Coke together. Pour over roast, cover and bake at 350° for 30 minutes per pound. DO NOT USE FOIL WITH THIS BECAUSE OF COKE. 

Source: The Four Ingredient Cookbooks...


  1. Why can't you use foil?

  2. Olga, I have no idea, but those caps are pretty intimidating, aren't they? I have a feeling that the people who wrote the book only put that in there to scare cakers. I can't imagine anything catastrophic happening. Maybe there's a science-type person out there who can explain why.

  3. My guess is that between the citric acid in the Coke and the acid in the chili sauce, it would eat right through the foil. Frankly, I'd be a little scared to cook this in an aluminum pan.
    Or maybe that's just because I think everything is more delicious when cooked in vintage Corningware.
    Anyway, looks like another winner, and I'm going to have to try it. Also looks like it's adaptable to either Crock Pot or pressure cooker, both of which are Aces in my book.

  4. Here's the thing, veg-o-matic: if the acid in the chili sauce and Coke would eat through aluminum foil, what the hell kind of g.d. damage is this roast doing to my insides? Oh, never mind. It tastes good. That's all that matters. If you make it in the crock pot, let me know how it turns out. I have one, but I've been banned from using it on account of the lingering odour that simmering meat for eight hours can cause.

  5. When I was in high school, I did a science experiment using all of my baby teeth that had fallen out (I had saved them). Half of them sat in Coke for a week and the other half in Pepsi. After a week they were the texture of mushrooms. That's my scientific description!

    1. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Cream of Mushroom soup the same way again, Vintage Cabin.

  6. Brian, what this roast is doing is tenderizing your insides, making them ever more receptive to deliciousness. If (and that's a big IF) any damage were being done, it would be neutralized by regular consumption of Jell-O.
    I'm not a doctor, but I play one on the Internetz.

  7. Doctor, I like your diagnosis.