Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Homemade Christmas Crackers



No caker holiday table setting is complete without a Christmas cracker lovingly laid across your paper plate. But have you seen how goldern expensive crackers are? And for what – some explosives and a plastic animal pendant? Not worth it in my books, folks. Not worth it at all.

Why not make your own with toilet paper rolls? Granted, they don’t explode, but just get everyone to yell “POP!” when they yank the crackers apart. Best of all, you can customize your crackers. It’s a way of showing people what you really think about them. Here’s how you make them:

Take a toilet paper roll or paper towel roll (cut it in half)









Select things you want to put inside. For this one, I included some Canadian Tire money, a few pieces of dry pasta, some lip balm that I found, a rubber band, a googly eye and an egg.







Stuff everything inside the tube, then wrap it up in some wrapping paper. Tie both ends with a ribbon. Decorate it as you wish. It’s that easy!








Need inspiration? Here are some things that any caker would love to find in his or her Christmas cracker.

  • Suppository
  • Packet of Taco Bell sauce (mild)
  • Clip-on earrings
  • Stick of Freedent gum
  • Baby aspirin
  • Raisin
  • One of those plastic bread bag closure thingies (I’m forever losing mine. LOL!)
  • Piece of dental floss
  • A chocolate from a box of Pot of Gold (just not the orange one – no one likes those)
  • Shoelace
  • Latch hook tool
  • Rain bonnet

12 comments:

  1. At first I was very suspicious that you were actually making crackers, but now I'm relieved to see you meant the non-edible kind.

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    1. I suppose you could eat these. If you were really hungry. Between you, me and the fencepost, it wouldn't be the first time I've eaten cardboard.

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  2. Gorgeous! And I can see my party guests fighting over the items in everyones' crackers. One question though: Dental floss - used or unused? I'm always the last one to know about etiquette trends.

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    1. I say used. Just save your old floss and it'll be cheaper. Make sure to wash it though. I often hang my strands on the line to dry.

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  3. I thought you were putting a cigarette in there and I thought your mother would be so pleased! Then I saw it was lip balm. I'd stick with the cigarettes, maybe a airline-size bottle of scotch and an antibacterial wipe.

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    1. You're right. Mother always appreciates a good smoke after her turkey.

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  4. Maybe tear out the, "Laughter is the best medicine" page from a Reader's Digest and stuff that in too-you need jokes or it isn't a Christmas cracker.

    If you're really serious about making it pop (and I suspect you're not) those gunpowder "snaps" kids play with will work if taped into the roll where the break will happen.

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    1. That reminds me of one of my all-time favourite jokes, Goody. How do you keep a caker in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow.

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  5. Oh that is such a fabulous idea - make your own crackers! Imagine how one could personalize each cracker. A hearing aid for my dear mother, a condom for my son, and perhaps Depends Adult Diapers for my sister. Perfect. I'm on it for New Years Eve day dinner.

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    1. Good luck squeezing that diaper into a toilet paper tube. You may need to spray it with PAM first.

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  6. I think those crackers are a bit too chic for a Caker but I suppose using a toilet paper roll puts it back in its place. Merry Christmas and thanks for the gift of your blog all year.

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    1. Would this cracker be more caker in your opinion if I told you I stole those little branches from my neightbour's bushes? Hey. I just thought of a new name for these: Christmas crakers.
      Thanks for visiting the blog! I appreciate it. And have yourself a merry little Christmas.

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