Monday 13 January 2014

Health Squares

The other day, as I was lying on my back, trying to do up the zipper of my Sergio Valente jeans with a coat hanger, I wondered, “Have I gained weight?” 

I mean, it’s true I’ve been eating too much Green Bean Casserole for breakfast lately. And my muffin top has become more of a muffin flop. And, if I’m going to be completely honest, I’ve been skipping Jazzercise class since, well, last April.

But a new year is upon us and I’m embracing a healthier way of living. It’s possible, even for low-motivation people like me. And I’m starting right here, with the wholesome deliciousness of these Health Squares.

Have you ever seen anything so packed with nature’s bounty? These have peanuts! And Rice Krispies! And peanut butter! And, uh…chocolate chips!

Wait a minute. What exactly makes these healthy?

Oh, right. Honey.

Any time a caker recipe calls for honey instead of white sugar, we get to call it health food. If only the rest of the world lived by our rules, it'd be a much happier place. Sayonara, coat hanger! I’m trading in my Sergio Valentes for a good dose of denial and a pair of blue leotards.  

1 cup peanut butter
1 cup honey
1 cup chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups Rice Krispies
½ cup peanuts

Melt peanut butter and honey. Mix chocolate chips, vanilla, Rice Krispies and peanuts together. Stir both mixes together well. Place in a 9x13 pan and refrigerate at least 1 hour. Cut into squares.

Source: Culinary Creations Down The Line, Interprovincial Pipe Line Company


  1. Health Squares? HEALTH Squares? When I saw that, I assumed you had been kidnapped and some impostor was posting in your name.
    Then I saw the recipe.
    They're *Caker* Health Squares, which changes everything. Shouldn't they be called "Health" Squares?
    They do sound good though. I can't afford Sergio Valentes, so they'll be keeping me from fitting in my (Ooh la la!) Sasson jeans.

    1. Those little hooked finger motions in the air can make all the difference, can't they?
      I don't mean to be judgemental, but only people from the wrong side of the tracks wear Sasson jeans.

    2. No, you're thinking of Jordache.

    3. What about the ol' Fancy Ass brand jeans, how do they fit into the picture????

    4. I don't want to speak for veg-o-matic, but my ass is already fancy.

      BTW - I forgot to tell one of my favourite jokes: DId you hear about the latest designer condoms? They're called Sergio Preventes.

  2. I wouldn't worry about that extra layer of'll help keep you warm over the winter. You just need to invest in some XL sweatshirts and a few pair of fat jeans.

    1. I just went out and bought a pair of fat jeans, actually. They're called jogging pants.

    2. Maybe get a pair of the "pajama jeans?"

    3. I've seen those. They're the height of fashion. Right up there with Snuggies.

  3. Replies
    1. Let's just say no bad ever came from mixing peanut butter, chocolate chips and Rice Krispies. Best of all, they taste a LOT better than a carrot.

  4. Whadayamean not healthy? You could practically sell these at a health food store if you substituted carob chips for the chocolate.

    1. Oh, the holy carob chip. I never understood those. How can brown, unflavoured wax be considered healthier than real chocolate?