Sunday 10 May 2020

The "Best" Easiest Square

What's up with these people talking about all the “down” time they have during self-isolation? I don’t know about you, but I barely have enough hours in the day. Between panically tearing through the No Frills aisles like I’m on one of those grocery game shows to finding a face mask that doesn’t make my ears look like bat wings, I have ZERO "down" time. I can barely find time to binge-watch Cold Case Files episodes from 1999 on Netflix.

In many ways, caker food is perfect at a time like this. It’s cheap, fast and the preservatives mean it will stay fresh, unrefrigerated, for at least a year. Another bonus of caker food? It calls for as few ingredients as possible. In fact, the fewer the ingredients, the more accomplished we cakers feel. 

“Barb, these squares are delicious!”
“Thanks, Marg. They only have three ingredients!”
Three ingredients?!? You’re a regular Julie Childs!”

This week’s recipe for The “Best” Easiest Square comes from the Canadian Bible Society’s Celebration Cookbook, probably the biggest coil-bound cookbook in my collection. I haven’t seen rings this big since I took that hula-hoop exercise class at the senior’s centre. 

The Celebration Cookbook has given me a number of caker gems over the years, including Eggnog Dessert (if you like the look of giant blisters, you’re in luck) and one of my all-time favourite recipes, Resurrection Rolls

1 box Ritz Crackers, rolled into crumbs
1 can Eagle Brand milk
1 package Shor Chippits

Mix well, spread into 9 x 13 pan and bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes. (Don’t overbake or it will be dry.) May be served plain or with a butter icing.

I try to include a cooking tip every now and then so this blog seems educational. You can roll your Ritz Crackers in the cracker bag, but before you do, make sure you cut a tiny hole in the bag first. Unless you want your kitchen to look like it was hit by a cracker blizzard. I’m speaking from experience. 

Sweetened condensed milk, also known as “caker glue,” is a popular ingredient found in many caker recipes, including fudge, Hello Dolly squares and any ball-shaped item on a Christmas platter. It’s also good straight out of the can on a Friday night after you’ve had a couple of glasses of Spumante Bambino. 

I had some doubts when I pressed this into the pan. Mainly that that it was going to stick. But the recipe didn’t say anything about greasing the pan. Sure enough, it stuck. Not terribly, mind you. But enough that The “Best” Easiest Square came out looking more like The “Best” Easiest Trapezium.

I ended up putting them in the fridge before cutting the rest and that helped. I had also cooked them for exactly 15 minutes, so maybe going for the full 20 would’ve been better. If you make them, consider laying down some parchment paper.

These are really sticky. I wouldn’t serve them at a piano recital. Or at a bridal shower because your guests will end up walking around with napkin-tipped finger pads and that’s never a good look.

But who cares about stickiness and shape when you’ve got something that tastes as good as these? Hello?!? They’ve got Skor and Ritz Crackers! Can you think of a better sweet 'n salty combo? They’re also pretty rich, so if you value your teeth, I’d skip on the suggested butter icing.

Speaking of Skor, does anyone remember that commercial from the '80s where the brunette lady ate a Skor bar, started talking like an ABBA band member and turned blonde? If only hair colour was that easy to change in real life. It would’ve saved me from that unfortunate Sun-In chapter in my life.

We’ll see you back here next week with another limited ingredient recipe. Until then, stay home, stay safe and enjoy all that “down” time eating caker food.


  1. Hello Brian! Love your blog, your play Box 4901 and your book Fruit so much!

    I read this new headline just now, and you were the first person I thought needs to know... Not that there was any doubt in our minds, but Ontario Premier Doug Ford is a CAKER COOKER!!! His recipe for Cherry Cheesecake has outed him once and for all:

    Have a great long weekend,

    1. Thanks, Jenny! I saw that. And the three packages of Dream Whip in the recipe. I think that's all the evidence required.