Friday, 23 August 2013

What I Ate at the C.N.E.


This past week, I went to the Caker National Exhibition. Well, it’s really called the Canadian National Exhibition, but who are we kidding?

I didn’t go on the rides because nausea isn’t a turn on for me. I did, however, eat. Luckily, not a cronut burger. I was going to get one, but the line was too long and if there’s one thing cakers don’t do, it’s wait for our food. It defeats the purpose.

But here's everything I did eat. And yes, I had weird dreams that night.

Spaghetti
This was only 99 cents. You couldn’t find a better deal for overcooked spaghetti and Primo sauce. They rip you off for cheese, though. It was 59 cents extra. No sprinkle of Kraft parameeshun is worth that. Just bring your own in a baggie.








Fries
These were okay, but they were a little boring. Plus, they were six bucks, which I thought was a little dear. It’s not like they had Nutella on them.











Taco
This was 99 cents. How does a 99-cent taco taste? Pretty much like you’d expect a 99-cent taco to taste.











Corn Dog
It’s hard to eat a corn dog in public and not get a few winks from older gentlemen in Tilley hats. This was five dollars. The watered-down mustard was free.










Deep Fried Cola
I didn’t know what the heckadoodle this was but that’s never stopped me before. Turns out they pour Coke into batter, deep fry it, then sprinkle more Coke on top, along with icing sugar, whipped cream and maraschino cherries. I left behind two teeth when I was done. This cost six dollars.







Ice Cream Waffle
I couldn't tell what I liked more – the hot, homemade waffle or the two-by-four of ice cream. This was $3.75.











Fudge
The woman who served me said I could freeze the fudge to keep it longer. I was like, “Lady, I’ll be lucky if this fudge makes it to the parking lot, m'kay?” I bought Butterfinger, Oreo and Pumpkin Spice. Three pieces came to twelve dollars, which was a bit dear, but that’s fudge for you.









I didn’t eat these other things, but here they are:

Lavendar Basket
I have a soft spot for lavender, but that’s likely because I get nostalgic for all the Wizard bathroom spray I inhaled growing up. This was five dollars.










Don't P in Our Pool Sign
Every caker with an in-ground pool has this sign. Guaranteed.







Smore-Weenie
There’s no way I’m eating a chicken wiener rolled in chocolate, marshmallows and graham crackers. Unless you paid me, like, ten dollars.











Whack-a-Mole
I was going to play, but I was the only one there. Which means I would've been playing against myself. And I was too afraid of losing.

Buck or Two Sausage
Why do I have the feeling my sausage would fall into the one-dollar category?












20 comments:

  1. Holy cow!
    That deep-fried Coke looks pretty interesting (Down Here, you can get deep-fried butter at state fairs), and the corndog looks appetizing. And the fries look good, but six bucks? Really? I know prices are higher in Canada, but come on (as a child, I always felt bad for Canadians because I could get a comic book for 12 cents, but in Canada, it was 15 cents.)
    Are Tilley hats a "thing"? Did you get winks?

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    1. That three cents would've made all the difference for me. It would've meant I could've gone to college! Oh, well.
      Tilley hats are definitely a thing. They're very sexy. I got a wink or two. And a phone number.

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  2. Eveything looks pretty delectable (except the 99 cent taco which looks wilted & the spaghetti which looks a little forlorn). Six bucks for a bunch of fried potatoes though???? Really??? What's cheaper than a potato! Also pleased to hear that you narrowly avoided the cronut with a side of salmonella.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Maybe they should market it as Forlorn Spaghetti. I think that has a nice poetic ring to it. You could almost forgive it for tasting so bad.
      The fries had the skin on them. In my experience, any time the skin is on a French fry, they charge double.

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  3. That's quite a list from a man who is not into nausea - I defy anyone to eat that lot without feeling at least a little bit queasy.

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    1. I felt a little queasy afterwards. But then I had a Bud Light and that seemed to fix me up real good.

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  4. Been having trouble getting that pogo image out of my head.
    Glad to read you didn't write this from hospital central on account of Cronut ingestion.

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    1. I can't imagine why you're having trouble with the corn dog image. I mean, it's just a wiener that's been battered and deep-fried with no resemble to anything else whatsoever.

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  5. I read this out to my husband while he loaded the dishwasher. We laughed and laughed. Glad I found your site. Now we'll have to buy your books.

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    1. Glad you found it, too! Hope you enjoy the books, Carrie.

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  6. I'm so disappointed. I was expecting deep-fried garlic ice cream, Tshirts that say "Be Canadian and Carry On Eh?" or canadian-bacon-wrapped-double-stuf-oreos fried in mallard fat or even a maple milk shake!! The government needs to Canada-up the C.N.E.

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    1. If I said Celine Dion was the woman who served me the fudge, would that help?

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  7. I love that you put the prices of everything. Hahahaha

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    1. In the world of cakers, the cost of the food is always more important than how something tasted. We'll eat sawdust so long as we feel it's a fair price.

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  8. I feel queasy just reading all that. Tell me you didn't spew leaving the gates...

    And I concur with Lisa, that shot of the corndog drizzled with mustard is hard to shake.

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    1. I don't understand what's so disturbing about the corn dog photo. It's just a corn dog.
      I made it to the gates okay, although I had to be carried to them.

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    2. Wasn't it Freud (Irving Freud, the used-car salesman) who said "Sometimes a corndog is just a corndog"?

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    3. Best five dollars you'll ever spend!

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  9. Hey - my dad was a big fan of Tilley Hats. Now you tell me that they are a "nudge nudge wink item"? My dad thought they were an understated/ pricey - casual cool item to wear.

    As for the deep friend coke, well, friend, a bit much for me. The fudge - ugh - -pumpkin? Have you ever had " baked spaghetti." I tried it once, it was a just pricey ( for a caker) dried up plate of spaghetti.

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    Replies
    1. Listen, don't knock pumpkin fudge until you try it. One bite and you'll be sporting a pilgrim hat and searching for jack-o-lanterns to carve.

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