Egg-in-a-Hole

My kitchen reno is now entering its fifty-third week. I’m starting to forget how an oven works. (Oh, who am I kidding? They were always mysterious boxes to me.)

While I was trying to figure out what to make this week using the utensils I have at my disposal (mainly a coffee maker and an iron), I remembered there was a family-sized electric griddle in the garage. I bought it for all those large family gatherings. Which, you know, I never have.

I blew the dust off and fired it up to make Egg-in-a-Hole. Once again, I have to wonder how many cakers failed English class. It’s not that we can’t spull. It’s just that we’re so bad with words. We seem to be a people hellbent on giving our food the most uninspiring names possible. Consider Make Do Squares. White Stuff. Bun Spread.

We can now add Egg-in-a-Hole to the Unfortunately Named Caker Recipe Hall of Fame. While it’s tasty and convenient (cakers love anything involving clever assembly tricks), would you want to try Egg-in-a-Hole if you saw it on a menu?

“Whose hole is it?” I’d want to ask the waiter. “And was the hole warshed before the egg went up there?”

1 slice bread, buttered (for each serving)
1 egg

Cut a round hole in slice of bread. Butter one side and brown in frying pan. Turn over and drop raw egg into the hole. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cover and cook soft or firm, as desired.

Source: Madoc Centennial Cookbook, 1978

Reader Recipe: Ziploc Bag Omelettes

It's week three of Caker Cooking Reader Month!

Every now and then, I stumble upon a caker recipe that should come with a hazard sticker. When Mattel 1974 – she of Mexican Hat fame – sent me this recipe involving Ziploc bags, I was all like "Danger Will Robinson!" In a nutshell, you put eggs and chopped things into a Ziploc freezer bag, boil the bags and presto – individual omelettes!

But the more I thought about it, the more the recipe seemed, well, toxic. Even by my standards. Was it safe to boil freezer bags? Mattel 1974 said she’d never been brave enough to try it. That's when I visited the worldwide web for the answer. I found it on the Ziploc site which basically said, “Don't boil freezer bags, you caker fool.”

Fellow cakers, I know the idea of making omelettes without dirtying a frypan or – god forbid – having to flip the damn things might sound appealing, but please refrain. Instead, I've come up with a better solution – just boil your eggs in paper bags.

Make sure you read the recipe instructions below. The lady who submitted this recipe was working it HARD!

Thanks, Mattel 1974! I will forever wonder what these omelettes would've tasted like.

2 eggs, large or extra large
Cheese, ham, chopped onion, green pepper, red pepper, tomato, hash browns, salsa, whatever your prefer

This works great for guests. Have guests write their name on a quart size Ziploc freezer bag with permanent marker pen. (See note 1)

Crack 2 eggs into a Ziploc bag, shake bag to combine eggs. Put out a variety of ingredients as mentioned above. Each guests adds ingredients of their choice to their bag and shakes it. Make sure to get all the air out of the bag, then zip it shut.

Have ready a large pot of boiling water, place bags in rolling, boiling water for exactly 13 minutes. You can usually cook 6-8 omelets in one pot. For more have another pot ready. Open the bag and the omelet will roll out easily.

BE PREPARED FOR EVERYONE TO BE AMAZED. (See note 2)

Nice to serve with fresh fruit and coffee cake. Everyone gets involved in the process and it is a great conversation piece.

Imagine having these ready the night before, then in the morning putting in the bag and boiling for 13 minutes and you have a nice breakfast.

THIS REALLY WORKS. (See note 3)

Note 1: For those who like a few extra chemicals.
Note 2: SHE MEANS IT, FOLKS. PREPARE.
Note 3: IT'S NOTHING SHORT OF A MIRACLE.

Source: Mattel 1974 via the Newdale Raven’s Glen W.I., Manitoba

Click on the image for full caps effect.

Reader Recipe: Liberace Sandwich

It’s time for our second reader recipe of the week!

When Caker Cooking reader Catherine sent me the recipe for Liberace Sandwich, I got pretty excited. There’s nothing more glamorous than eating the same thing as a Hollywood star. (Case in point: Barbara Mandrell’s Pig Out Cake.) And when that star has the mega-wattage of Liberace, well, sit back and put on the rhinestone-crusted sunglasses, my friends.

This sandwich proves two things: 1) Liberace was a caker (which, c’mon, we all knew – anyone with hair that stiff is down with the tater tots) and 2) his talent went beyond piano playing. The man knew his way around a loaf of white bread like nobody’s business. This egg-soaked, cheese-filled, bacon-topped creation really tickled my ivories.

Catherine also sent me a recipe for something called Fluffy Muff. I’m going out on a limb here, but I doubt Liberace ever made that for dinner.

Thanks, Catherine!

Make 6 sandwiches, no butter, cut off crusts, with cheddar cheese. Place in shallow, buttered pan. Beat 4 eggs with 2 cups milk, 1/2 tsp minced onion, 1/2 tsp dry mustard. Pour over sandwiches. Let stand 10 minutes. Bake in 375 oven 30 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove and top with sliced, peeled ripe tomatoes. Cover with strips of pre-cooked bacon. Place under broiler for 2-3 minutes.

Source: Caker Catherine via Ladies Aid, Ogunquit Baptist Church, Ogunquit, Maine, 1975

Christmas Morning Wife Saver

When it comes to the holiday season, all I can say is: God bless the caker wife.

There she is on Christmas Eve, running around in her white pumps and apron, topping up eggnogs, dumping out ashtrays, keeping the shrimp ring replenished and looking pleasantly surprised when she unwraps her husband’s gift – a pink bottle of Avon bubble bath. Again.

The last thing she wants to think about is what to feed her family on Christmas morning. Thankfully, caker wives look out for caker wives. This delicious casserole is prepared the night before, so come morning, she’ll throw it down like no one’s business in her velour housecoat. If only her family thanked her.

Next time you pass a caker wife, do me a favour and high five her.

Holy crap! My annual Caker Christmas party is tomorrow night! I gotta get to the No Frills and buy some ground beef. There’s supposed to be an ice storm, so who knows if any Italians will show up? I'll post all the saturated fat details on Monday, December 23rd.

16 slices white bread, crusts removed
Slices/pieces of bacon and ham (see note)
Slices of sharp cheddar cheese
6 eggs
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon dry mustard
¼ cup minced onion
¼ cup green pepper, finely chopped
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
3 cups whole milk or cream
Dash red pepper (Tabasco sauce)
¼ pound butter
Special K or crushed Corn Flakes

Put 8 slices in the bottom of a 9x13 buttered, glass baking dish. Add pieces to cover dish entirely. Cover bread with slices/pieces of ham and bacon. Lay slices of cheddar cheese on top of bacon and ham. Cover with slices of bread to make it like a sandwich.

In bowl, beat eggs, salt and pepper. To the egg mixture, add dry mustard, onion, green pepper, Worcestershire sauce, milk or cream and Tabasco. Pour over sandwiches. Cover and let stand in the fridge overnight.

In the morning, melt ¼ pound butter and pour over the top. Cover with Special K or crushed Corn Flakes. Bake, uncovered, for 1 hour at 350°. Serve with fresh fruit and hot cinnamon buns.

Note: Make sure the bacon is cooked.

Source: A Commemorative Cookbook….with a “Pinch of History,” Whitby Psychiatric Hospital

Reader Recipe: Mushroom Fluff

When reader Bernice sent me some recipes from her mother’s New Zealand church cookbook, I was pretty pumped. I mean, these recipes came from cakers who lived across the world. Considering the farthest I’ve been is across the street, you can imagine how National Geographic-ish I felt as I set out to make Mushroom Fluff.

Ever get the sense that something’s not right when you take it out of the oven? I suppose that applies to most caker food. But in this case, things seemed more "off" than usual. Mushroom Fluff came out looking more like mushroom soup. But, being the trooper I am, I dug in.

A half hour later, the fluff started flopping. Like, real bad. I haven’t moved that fast since Sears had a sale on Wrangler jeans. Naturally, I was mortified when the police showed up at my door. The neighbours had called to report sounds of a “violent commotion.” I couldn’t apologize enough to the police officers and offered to make a caker candy tree for their next fundraiser.

Was it the eggs? The milk? Was it not cooked enough? Who knows? Bernice, I wish I could say my first experience with New Zealand caker food was a good one. But the next time fluff comes a’knockin’, I ain’t a’answerin'.

1 tin mushroom soup
4 ounces grated cheese
½ teacup of milk (see note)
2 eggs

Stir together the soup, the cheese, the milk and the egg yolks. Beat egg whites stiffly and fold gently into mixture. Place in greased dish and bake in hot oven (400 degrees) for 30 minutes.

Note: I assumed this was a ½ cup, but maybe the measurements are different in New Zealand. That might’ve explained the soupiness.

Source: Hataitai Methodist Church, 1964

Knoxapocalypse: Maple Fluff

This week, I’m participating in something called “Knoxapocalypse” with other food bloggers from far-away places like England and the United States. We all swapped recipes that called for gelatin. I got something called Maple Fluff, courtesy of Bitter Sweet Susie.

Folks, Maple Fluff whipped me into a frenzy. It took an hour to make, which is 58 minutes longer than most caker recipes. Then there were all these phrases I’d never heard before, like “stir constantly” and “egg whites.” Honestly, I was going bananas.

So was the end result worth it?

Well, it looked like chunky, taupe vomit going into the fridge. (I may have folded in the egg whites too soon, but I was getting impatient, what with Mother hollering that it was time for Mystery Detectives on the Nancy Grace channel.) But I have to say – Maple Fluff tasted fan-fluffing-tastic. Kind of like a maple custard tart. Only better. Because it was a big maple custard tart.

Would I eat it again? You bet. Would I make it again? Hell, no.

2 tablespoons unflavoured gelatin
¼ cup cold water
1 pint cream
2 eggs, separated
1 cup maple sirup (see note 1)
½ cup shredded coconut
¼ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon almond extract.

Soften gelatin in cold water. Heat cream over hot water, then pour slowly over slightly beaten egg yolks. Return mixture to double boiler and cook 5 minutes, or until it starts to thicken, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and stir in softened gelatin. Add maple sirup and cool. When mixture begins to thicken, add coconut, salt and almond flavoring. Beat egg whites until stiff but not dry and fold into mixture (see note 2). Pour into individual molds and chill until firm (see note 3). Serve plain or top with sweetened whipped cream, sprinkled with toasted coconut. Serves 8.

Note 1: Yes, I know how to spell syrup. But that’s how the book spelt it.

Note 2: I didn’t get salmonella, but I was worried.

Note 3: Do you have 8 individual molds sitting in your cupboard, just waiting to be used? I sure don’t. (I don't even have 8 friends.) So I poured everything into one big mold.

So what did my fellow food bloggers get up to? Check out their Knoxapocalypse creations, but BE WARNED. Some of this stuff ain't pretty:

Betty Davis' Mustard Ring made by Retro Recipes
Melon Mousse made by Bitter Sweet Susie
Olive Wreath Mold made by Dinner is Served
Molded Avocado and Tuna made by The Retro WW Experiment
Turkey in Aspic by Silver Screen Suppers
Pickle and Pineapple Salad by Mid-Century Menu

Source: 250 Delectable Desserts

Eggs in Bologna Cups

Banana optional

Everywhere I go these days, I smell erasers and terror. That can only mean one thing – another school year is around the corner. This week, I'm posting a kid-friendly recipe because it’s never too early to teach kids the fine art of caker cooking. After all, if our traditions fall away, what will happen to all those employees at Kraft?

I took this recipe from a cookbook I had as a kid, Betty Crocker’s Cookbook for Gay Boys & Girls. Yes, I still own the original and have the booger-crusted pages to prove it. How many Saturday nights did I spend slaving over these recipes while other kids were out having normal childhoods? Lots, I tell you.

These Eggs in Bologna Cups would be a welcome treat for any kid coming home for lunch after an intense morning of colouring maps of the western hemisphere. And talk about nutrition! Each serving contains an entire teaspoon of milk! In my household, the milk would’ve been replaced with coffee whitener mixed with water.

Happy back to school, kids. Those map-colouring skills are going to come in real handy one day. You just wait.

PS - Don't miss next week's post. I'm teaming up with five other food bloggers for "Knoxapocalypse." It's about to get real firm around here. After that, I'll devote the rest of the month to reader recipes. Stay tuned!

2 teaspoons shortening
6 slices bologna about 4 inches across
6 eggs
6 teaspoons milk
salt
pepper
paprika

Heat oven to 375°. Grease 6 muffin cups with some shortening, using pastry brush. Melt 2 teaspoons shortening in skillet over low heat. Place 3 slices bologna in the skillet and fry until the edges curl and the centres puff. Lift each slice with tongs into a muffin cup and press down so the slice fits the cup. Repeat with remaining bologna slices. Break 1 egg into the centre of each bologna slice to hold it down. Pour 1 teaspoon of milk over each egg. Sprinkle eggs lightly with salt, pepper and paprika. Bake uncovered for 15-20 minutes or until eggs are set. Loosen each bologna cup with knife and lift to platter with spoon.

Source: Betty Crocker’s Cookbook for Boys & Girls

Reader Recipe: Hot, Hearty Golden Puff

Can we be frank(furter) here for a minute? Every time I buy Velveeta, my heart gets ripped apart. Not because of the taste, but because of the cost. It’s eight cock-a-doodle dollars! Why is non-cheese eight dollars?!?

Anyways, here’s a recipe that Caker Cooking reader, Bob, sent in a while back that, until recently, I never had the money time to make. Can I remind you how much cakers love their saltine crackers? They're like communion wafers for us. Why, we even created Tupperware containers to house them.

While Hot, Hearty, Golden Puff (I prefer to call it "Cracker Casserole") may seem off-putting, essentially you’re looking at a cheese strata. (Only without the real cheese and, well, the strata.) I appreciate the fact that the advertisement below claims it’s “full of nutrition" but if it wasn't for that parsley sprig on top, could they still make that claim?

In any case, I enjoyed it, even if my wallet didn’t. Suffice to say, that's the last time I spend ten dollars on dinner.

Thanks, Bob!

Cover the bottom of a 12” x 8” baking dish with half a “stack pack” of crisp Premium Crackers. Cover the crackers with ¾ lb. of sliced Kraft Velveeta Cheese. Top with 2 tbsp. chopped onions and the remaining crackers. Over this pour a mixture of: 4 beaten eggs, 2 ½ cups milk, ½ tsp. dry mustard, dash of pepper. Set the casserole aside for one hour; then pop it into a 325° oven for 40 minutes. Sprinkle with paprika and serve at once.

Source: Bob via Velveeta

Broccoli Soufflé

Like Blanche Dubois, I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers. (I’ve sometimes depended on their money, but that’s a whole other blog post.) So when a pair of Caker Cooking readers sent me a cookbook they found at a garage sale, I was reminded of the (Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed) milk of human kindness.

I’ve mentioned before how much cakers love broccoli and this soufflé (taken from the cookbook) was a triple threat of “Hot Damn!” I’m talking Cream of Mushroom soup, broccoli and Velveeta! In fact, it was so good, it didn’t even make it as far as the kitchen table. I inhaled it at the counter.

The other day, the pair announced their engagement and that got me thinking pretty deeply. Marriage and broccoli soufflé share some similarities.

1) Both take the right mix of ingredients
2) Sometimes both are so good you can’t make it as far as the kitchen table
3) Both can leave you gassy (but it usually clears up by morning)

Now if only Mother would get off my back about the whole finding-the-right-girl thing with me. Apparently, there’s a bow-legged third cousin with an under bite that Mother feels is a good candidate, but I'm standing up to her. For once.

Paul and Bianca, congratulations. And may your soufflés always rise high.

1 bunch broccoli
1 can cream of mushroom soup
3 well-beaten eggs
½ cup butter, melted
1 medium onion, chopped
8 crushed soda crackers
¾ cup Hellman’s mayonnaise
1 cup grated Velveeta cheese

Cut up and cook broccoli until tender. Mix together soup, eggs, mayonnaise, onion, melted butter and cheese. Add ½ of crushed crackers. Add chopped broccoli and mix well. Put in casserole dish. Add remaining crackers on top. Bake, uncovered, for 30 minutes at 350°.

Note: I cooked it closer to 40 minutes.

Source: What’s Cooking at St. Joseph

Easy Brunch Eggs

I know you’re out there – you love caker food, but keep it your dark, dirty secret. During the day, you dine on things like bok choy and lentils, but when you come home at night, you’re spooning Marshmallow Fluff straight from the jar. You might as well face it – you’re a closet caker.

What you need is a recipe that helps you bring your love of caker food out into the open; a dish that washes the shame away. Easy Brunch Eggs are here to the rescue. If Martha Stewart ever came to my house for breakfast (and stranger things have happened in my life), I wouldn’t think twice about serving these to her. Heck, she'd probably ask for ketchup.

Just look at these beauts! And who’d ever guess there were only three ingredients?  (Martha certainly wouldn’t.) I even put some long, narrow vegetable things next to them to make everything look more sophisticated.

The only thing missing from this dish? The closet, my caker friends. But you’re better off without it.

12, or more, slices of any bread (See Note 1)
12 eggs, or more
Butter or margarine
Salt and pepper to taste

Lightly spray muffin pan with Pam. Butter sliced bread lightly. Place bread, buttered side up, in muffin cups. Do not tear bread. In the centre of bread, break egg. Add salt and pepper and toppings if desired. i.e. bacon bits, cheese, chives (See Note 2). Bake for 10 minutes at 350º until bread is golden brown and egg white is firm (See Note 3). Yummy and easy.

Note 1: I cut the crusts off because I thought they’d look nicer. I dealt with some egg spillage, but I don't know if the keeping the crusts on would help or not. In any case, things were a little messy, but not overly bad.

Note 2: I spread a little Dijon mustard on the bread and topped them with cheddar cheese. Delish!

Note 3: I prefer my yolks on the firm side, so I left them in closer to 15-20 minutes.

Source: Treasured Recipes, Birr United Church