Santa's Balls

We're down to the final posts for Caker Cooking and if you take anything away from this blog, I hope it’s this: cakers love balls. I’ve featured more ball-shaped food on here than any other shape. (Triangles being a distant second.) Some may wonder why, but I say, "Don’t analyze. Just eat."

When I saw this recipe for Christmas Fruit Balls, two thoughts came to mind: 1) more balls and 2) it’s nice that maraschino cherries are considered “fruit.” So I set out to make them. And while I was tenderly rolling these balls in my hands, I had another thought: these balls deserve a better name.

So I’ve christened them Santa’s Balls. Let’s just say the sprinkling of shredded coconut sealed the deal. Picture it: there you are in your apron and knitted slippers on Christmas Eve, announcing to your guests that you’ll be serving Santa’s Balls shortly and would anyone like a top up on their Kahlua? Talk about memorable holiday moments!

Speaking of memorable holiday moments, my Caker Christmas party is tomorrow night! I have no idea what my Eye-talian guests are bringing. This terrifies and excites me. Come back Monday when I post all the carnage.

½ bag white miniature marshmallows
2 cups graham wafer crumbs
½ cup red cherries, halved
1-15 ounce can Eagle Brand milk
1 cup chopped walnuts
Mix altogether, chill overnight. Shape into balls and roll in coconut. (See note.) Store in covered container in the refrigerator.

Note: The mixture was pretty, er, hard when I took it out of the fridge. Let it warm slightly before attempting to roll Santa’s Balls in your hands.

Source: From the Lakeshore Ladies Kitchens

Tootsie Roll Squares

Let the caker record state: I can’t get with Tootsie Rolls. It’s not that I won’t eat them (they have sugar, after all), but I’ve never been able to figure them out. Are they supposed to be chocolate? Why so many sizes? How are they related to Tootsie Pops? And the whole poop resemblance thing – intentional or not?

For Halloween, I usually buy candy I don’t like. That way, I don’t find myself mid-November, eating four mini Coffee Crisps for breakfast and wondering why I can’t zip up my GWGs. This year, I bought a big bag of Tootsie Rolls. After four kids came to the door (none were in costumes and looked like they were in college), I turned to the nine pounds of leftover Tootsie Rolls and had an idea. (This was a big deal as ideas don’t happen often for me.)

I searched through my caker cookbook collection and found a recipe for Brown Cow Squares. Anyone remember this brown liquid? You mixed it with milk. I usually sucked it straight from the bottle. See what happens when caker kids aren't breast-fed?

I substituted Tootsie Rolls for the Brown Cow and you know what? My invention was delicious! The Tootsie Rolls got all gooey-like and were a nice compliment to the peanut butter. Now if only I had remembered to unwrap them first. Oh, well. I’m sure the wrappers will pass. Eventually. LOL!

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
½ cup soft butter or margarine
1 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
¼ cup milk
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ cup creamy peanut butter
1 cup brown sugar (packed)
3 eggs
½ cup brown cow (see note)

Combine flour and baking powder. Cream together butter, peanut butter, sugars and vanilla in a large mixer bowl. Add eggs, one at a time, beat well, after each addition. Stir in flour mixture alternately with milk into creamed mixture. Spread half the batter in a greased 9” x 13” pan. Drizzle with half the Brown Cow. Repeat layers. Bake in 350° oven 35-40 minutes or until done. Cool. Cut into squares. Makes one pan.

Note: I laid out about 12 Tootsie Rolls per layer. MAKE SURE YOU UNWRAP THEM!

Yep, looks like poop. For other feces-inspired ideas, check out the always-classy Kitty Litter Cake.

Source: Centennial Central School Cook Book, Arva, Ontario, 1995

Reader Recipe: Cherry Jumbles

Here we are – the second recipe of the second week of Reader Recipe Month! Those who make it to the end get a free bottle of Pepto Bismol.

Today’s recipe comes from Bob, who I once christened as the Duke of Cakers because he’s the man who introduced me to Tang Pie as well as Twinkie Cake. And as far as I’m concerned, that makes you the Fergie of caker royalty.

Now hold onto your rain bonnets, because Cherry Jumbles is a recipe Bob invented on his own! Well, it's really packaged cookie mix, but Bob came up with the idea of adding things to the mix. If that’s not a sign of caker geniousity, I don’t know what is.

I couldn’t find sugar cookie mix at No Frills. I did, however, find chocolate chip cookie mix, which saved me from having to buy the chocolate chips. (Bob, looks like you’ve got some competition in the caker geniousity department. LOL!)

Because Bob recently commented that he wanted to hear more from my taste-tester, the Reluctant Eye-talian, here’s what the Reluctant Eye-talian said when he saw Bob's cookies.

“Eesch. Those are ugly.”

Still want to hear more from the Reluctant Eye-talian, Bob?

Anyways, I liked them. They had maraschino cherries, after all. You could roll a maraschino cherry in sawdust and I’d still eat it. In fact, I think I once did.

Thanks, Bob! Check out Bob’s blog, The Fondue, and come back Monday for another scrumptious reader recipe.

1 pouch sugar cookie mix
¼  to ½ cup chopped drained maraschino cherries (See note 1)
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (see not 2)
Almond extract

Prepare cookie mix as package directs. If instructions call for liquid, substitute cherry juice; if not, add enough juice to the dough to make it bright pink and delicious. Add a few drops of almond extract and the chocolate chips. Bake as directed on package. When cookies are completely cool, glaze.

Cherry Glaze
Enough milk and cherry juice combined to equal ¼ cup. It should be bright pink and opaque.
2 cups confectioners’ sugar
Few drops almond extract.

Combine and spread on cookies. Let harden.

Bob’s notes:

1. I give a range because it really depends on how many cherries you eat while chopping them. Aim for ½ cup, but be satisfied with whatever you end up with.  Better get the big jar next time. If there’s any juice left over (ha!), drink it.

2. The miniature kind are fun.

Source:  Bob, Duke of Cakers 

The Thing

While cakers are good at many things (latch hooking being one of them), we aren’t good at one very important thing: naming our food. I mean, what’s up, peeps? Haven’t you ever heard of an adjective?

Some of you may remember my Unfortunately Named Caker Recipe Month whereupon we discovered such gems as Corn Ring, Bun Spread and Pink Thing. Had I discovered The Thing back then, I would’ve included it in the line-up.

I’m pretty sure the woman who submitted this recipe for the Owen Sound Y.M.C.A. cookbook back in 1976 made up the recipe. And no doubt she named it herself. But think of all the unnecessary confusion she’s caused since then.

Setting: A church basement. Tables laden with ham salad and salmon salad sandwiches. Bowls of JELL-O glisten. A coffee percolator gurgles.

“Helen, what was the thing you brought to the last luncheon?”
“That’s right.”
“Begya pardon?”
“You mean The Thing.”
“Yes, but what was it called?”
“I already told you, Gladys. The Thing.”
“Helen, I’m not finding this funny.”
“It’s The Thing, Gladys!”
“Helen, have you been sniffing perm solution again?”

Anyways, The Thing is good. It’s like the chocolate cousin of a Hello Dolly, less the maraschino cherries. And if you want to call it The Thing, go right ahead. Just don’t blame me when people start yelling at you.

HEY! September is Reader Recipe Month! Do you have a caker recipe you think should be featured on Caker Cooking? Email it by August 31 to cakercooking at gmail dot com. If I like it (or not) I’ll make it and feature it. Caker fame is just around the corner!

Melt 1 cup brown sugar in ½ cup butter
Add 4 tablespoons cocoa and 1 egg. Stir well.
Remove from stove and add:
½ cup chopped nuts
2 cups graham wafer crumbs
1 teaspoon vanilla

Press into greased 8” pan. Mix 1 cup dessicated coconut with ½ can Eagle Brand milk and spread over cake mixture. Ice with a chocolate butter icing and keep in refrigerator. Cut into squares.

Source: The New Y Cook Book, Owen Sound, Ontario

Lady Fingers

I live next to a senior’s residence and every morning, an old woman wearing wraparound sunglasses and a baseball hat dumps stale bread in the park across the street. I’m like, “Damn, girl, why let the pigeons have all that goodness?” So, as soon as she’s gone, I run over, scoop up the bread and hurry home before I get revenge-shat on by the pigeons.

Caker creativity shines brightest with stale white bread. There are lots of things we do with it. We cut shapes into it for block printing. We use it as a sponge to wash our Chevettes. We also rub it on our feet to get rid of callouses before open-toed-heel season starts.

This recipe magically turns old bread into the daintiest delicacy of all: Lady Fingers! While I nibbled on these, I kept imagining myself among society ladies named Tipsy and Blousy, discussing things like polo and alimony. As to how these tasted – delicious! Just like a chocolate coconut donut. Tipsy won't suspect a thing. You might want to give her an umbrella, though. Pigeons can hold grudges.

1 loaf unsliced day-old bread (see note)
5 tablespoons cocoa
1 ½ cups sugar
3 tablespoons butter
3 teaspoons vanilla
9 tablespoons hot water
Coconut

Cut crusts off loaf. Cut into 1” slices. Cut slices into 1” wide strips. Mix together cocoa, sugar, butter, vanilla and hot water in saucepan. Boil for 5 minutes. Dip the bread strips into the chocolate. Roll in shredded coconut.

Note: I let my bread stay out overnight, but it was still pretty soft when I cut into it. Damn those preservatives! So I cut it and let the pieces dry out more.

Source: Church of the Hosannas Centennial Cookbook, Hyde Park, Ontario

Deluxe Rice Krispies Cake

As far as I’m concerned, cakers toss the word “cake” around too loosely. Too many times, I see something referred to as a “cake” when it should be called “squares.” See Suzanne’s Peanut Candy Bar Cake and Magic Cake as examples.

Fellow cakers, let’s review: squares are flat, usually topped with shredded coconut or maraschino cherries, and are square. That’s why they’re called squares. Cakes, on the other hand, can be round or square. They’re not flat (unless you’ve done something wrong) and, if it’s your birthday, they have foil-wrapped coins inside. Sometimes, people forget to tell you about the coins. Which is why I spent my ninth birthday getting fitted for dentures.

All this is to say that Deluxe Rice Krispies Cake isn’t a cake. It’s squares. Wait. They’re squares. Something like that, anyway. And these are the Ricardo Montalban Chrysler Cordoba of Rice Krispies Squares. You get not one but two layers of Rice Krispies Squares with gooey melted caramel and more marshmallows sandwiched between. It’s like one of those double down things!

Warning: I put these in the freezer in an effort to stop myself from eating them all. Now, that soft spot beneath my tongue is all scratched from gnawing on them. I may need surgery.

Base and top: (See note 1)
½ cup butter
40 large marshmallows
1 teaspoon vanilla
6 cups Rice Krispies
Filling:
½ cup butter
4 boxes toffee bars or 2 cups caramels (see note 2)
1 can condensed milk
1 bag miniature marshmallows

For base and top, melt butter and marshmallow in a large pot. Add vanilla and Rice Krispies. Mix well and press into cookie sheet. For filling, melt butter, toffee bars and condensed milk. Spread over base. Sprinkle toffee layer with miniature marshmallows. Allow to cool slightly. Repeat recipe for base and top to make the topping. Pat down on top of toffee layer. Allow to cool completely. Cut in squares.

Note 1: Remember to double up on the base and top ingredients.
Note 2: I used soft Werther’s candies.

Source: The Best of Enbridge

Health Squares

The other day, as I was lying on my back, trying to do up the zipper of my Sergio Valente jeans with a coat hanger, I wondered, “Have I gained weight?” 

I mean, it’s true I’ve been eating too much Green Bean Casserole for breakfast lately. And my muffin top has become more of a muffin flop. And, if I’m going to be completely honest, I’ve been skipping Jazzercise class since, well, last April.

But a new year is upon us and I’m embracing a healthier way of living. It’s possible, even for low-motivation people like me. And I’m starting right here, with the wholesome deliciousness of these Health Squares.

Have you ever seen anything so packed with nature’s bounty? These have peanuts! And Rice Krispies! And peanut butter! And, uh…chocolate chips!

Wait a minute. What exactly makes these healthy?

Oh, right. Honey.

Any time a caker recipe calls for honey instead of white sugar, we get to call it health food. If only the rest of the world lived by our rules, it'd be a much happier place. Sayonara, coat hanger! I’m trading in my Sergio Valentes for a good dose of denial and a pair of blue leotards.  

1 cup peanut butter

1 cup honey

1 cup chocolate chips

1 teaspoon vanilla

3 cups Rice Krispies

½ cup peanuts

Melt peanut butter and honey. Mix chocolate chips, vanilla, Rice Krispies and peanuts together. Stir both mixes together well. Place in a 9x13 pan and refrigerate at least 1 hour. Cut into squares.

Source: Culinary Creations Down The Line, Interprovincial Pipe Line Company

Magic Cake

Most of the recipes in my cookbooks have a name (usually, a woman’s) attached to them. I don’t include the names because I’m sure the last thing these women were expecting was to have their recipes featured on a caker website. Plus, you never want an angry church woman coming after you. They can run pretty fast.

Recently, one of my favourite writers, Alice Munro, won the Nobel Prize for Literature, after which every person living in a small Southern Ontario town looked up from their loom, turned towards the nearest urban centre and said, “Suck it.”

Alice’s maiden name was Laidlaw and she was born in a town called Wingham. When I came across this Magic Cake recipe, I got a little excited. It was submitted by a Laidlaw in Wingham. While it’s not Alice, I can only assume it’s her kin.

As far as the recipe, it wasn’t so magical. The sweetened condensed milk is the glue that holds it all together. If I wanted coconut and maraschino cherries, I’d sooner have a Hello Dolly. Plus, it was expensive to make (Alice’s kin must be wealthy). And there’s nothing cake-like about it. Folks, don’t call something cake if it’s not cake. You’re only setting people up for disappointment. But it tasted pretty good.

All of this is to say that I’d bet my last packet of JELL-O that Alice Munro is a caker. And when you believe a Nobel Prize winner has probably enjoyed a good mountain of Watergate Salad in her day, well, let’s just say the sky seems a little more open for the rest of us.

1 pound dates (cut up)
1 pound dry cherries (red and green)
½ pound walnuts
1 pound coconut
½ teaspoon salt
1 can Eagle Brand milk

Mix all together and bake in oven at 350° until golden brown.

Note: I used a 9 x 13 pan.

Source: Celebration Cookbook, Canadian Bible Society

Peanut Butter Bonbons

Aren’t Pot of Gold chocolates stressful? There you are on Christmas morning and someone passes you the box and you have to examine the legend, figure out what you want, and then find the matching chocolate. All while your family is screaming, “PASS THE BOX ALREADY!” It’s like a relay race for the unathletic and easily-confused.

My sister would avoid the pressure by bypassing the legend and taking whatever chocolate caught her eye. Then, if she didn’t like it, she’d put the half-eaten chocolate back into the box before moving on to the next one. She'll try to deny this, but I’ve got the dental molds to prove it.

Speaking of chocolates, these homemade bonbons will no doubt take their place on caker Christmas platters around the world. They taste just like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. And talk about easy! Why, these balls practically make themselves. Try making them with dry roasted peanuts for an extra punch of flavour. I guarantee you won’t find a single half-eaten ball.

1 cup peanut butter
1 cup icing sugar
1 cup finely chopped peanuts

3-4 squares semi-sweet chocolate
2-3 teaspoons butter

Mix first 3 ingredients together. Roll into small balls. Refrigerate 1 hour. Melt chocolate and butter in double boiler. Dip peanut butter balls in chocolate and refrigerate.

Source: A Commemorative Cookbook…with a “Pinch of History,” Whitby Psychiatric Hospital

Church Windows

Welcome to my month-long Caker Christmas Extravaganza! Throughout December, I'm posting weekly thricely. Wait. Does that make sense?

I couldn’t think of a more festive way to kick off the celebrations than with the stained glass majesty of Church Windows. Can’t you just hear the out-of-sync senior choir now? In fact, you couldn’t get any more festive unless you ate one while dancing to Grandma Got Run Over Reindeer in a pair of knitted slippers with a maraschino cherry stuck to your nose.

Word to the wise: when rolling these, it can get a little messy. Roll them up using a piece of waxed paper so your hands don’t get all choclity.

See you on Wednesday with a “nutty” holiday craft!

1 16 oz package semi sweet chocolate chips
3 cups coloured miniature marshmallows
¼ cup butter or margarine
½ cup pecans or walnuts (optional)
½ cup shredded coconut

Melt butter in saucepan over low heat. Add chocolate chips and melt. Cool. Stir in marshmallows and nuts. Divide in half and shape each half into a 6-inch roll. Roll each in coconut and wrap in waxed paper. Keep refrigerated until ready to use. Cut in 1/2" slices. Makes 24.

Source: Season’s Delights, presented by the Ladies of Parklawn Presbyterian Church

(Yep, that's a real construction paper cover with a piece of green ribbon holding everything together. It doesn't get more high tech than that.)

Soda Cracker Squares

There are times we hope no one will see us. We may be picking our nose at a red light. Or wearing those jogging pants with the questionable stains. For me, it’s after work. Why? Because I inhale so many soda crackers while waiting for dinner, it’s embarrassing. I’m paranoid someone’s going to put a hidden camera in my kitchen and put me on “World’s Scariest Videos.”

I wanted to call these Soder Cracker Squares because I suspect many elderly cakers pronounce it that way. Hang out in the mall food court on a Tuesday afternoon and chances are you’ll hear words like “zink” inside of “sink” or “warsh” instead of “wash” or “padaydas” instead of “potatoes.” As in, “Let me give myself a warsh in the kitchen zink before I peel the padaydas.” (Pray that you’re never, ever on the receiving end of that sentence.)

While these squares are a little on the sweet side, the soder crackers add a punch of saltiness that keeps you coming back for more. And that instant coffee gives you a much-needed kick (if the sugar don’t do the trick). Now excuse while I go get me a drink of soder pop.

Melt
1 small package chocolate chips
½ cup peanut butter
1 tablespoon butter
Add
1/3 cup cold instant coffee
1 ½ cups icing sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
35-40 broken, salted soda crackers (See note)
Mix and press into a greased 8”x8” pan. Keep in fridge.

Icing:
Icing sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 tablespoon shortening
1 tablespoon butter
salt and cream

Note: 1 column


Source: 20th Anniversary Cookbook of the Mount Royal United Church, Saskatoon

Before you go!
My novel, Natural Order, has made it to the Top 40 books for CBC's Canada Reads 2014! If you can spare a moment, please consider swinging by the Canada Reads site and cast a vote for it before November 3. (Titles are in alphabetical order.) There's a porcupine meatball in it if you do.
Thanks!
Brian

Shreddies Clusters

It’s a fact: my mom was addicted to Shreddies. There wasn’t a morning in the ‘80s or early ‘90s that you wouldn’t find her sitting at the kitchen table in her housecoat, scarfing down a bowl. One time, we ran out of Shreddies and she tore screaming out of the house. Eventually we found her huddled in a corner of the backyard, gnawing on a window screen (I guess it was a texture thing) so my dad sent her away to a cereal detox place.

I haven’t shown her these Shreddies Clusters for obvious reasons, but dang! Anyone could get addicted to these lil’ mountains o’ chocolate. You get the nutrients of Shreddies, the goodness of corn (syrup) and the salty crunch of nuts. They’re like a caker “super food.”

No doubt I’ll be seeing these gems on a bazaar table soon. That’s right! Bazaar-o-Rama is coming back! I try to shake off my loneliness by travelling around to church bazaars throughout November then post my highlights. Last year, I made friends with numerous senior women wearing eyeglass strings, purchased deformed knitted slippers and even ate a raisinless bran muffin. Who knows what high-jinks are in store for this year? Stay tuned.

1 package (6 ounces) semi-sweet chocolate chips
3 tablespoons light corn syrup
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
2 cups Shreddies
½ cup chopped nuts

Melt chocolate chips, corn syrup and butter in small saucepan, stirring until smooth. Add Shreddies cereal and nuts, stirring until coated. Drop and shape into small clusters, a spoonful at a time, on aluminum foil. Refrigerate until set. Make 2 ½ to 3 dozen (1 ½”) clusters.

Source: Country Favourites Cookbook, Mitchell’s Corners Public School

Carnival Cookies

Isn’t August bittersweet? On the one hand, it’s the end of summer. But on the other, it’s also carny season. No, not that Carnie. I’m talking carnivals.

If you’re around the Toronto area, you know about the C.N.E., which stands for Canadian National Exhibition. But it really stands for Caker National Exhibition because if there’s anything that cakers love more than hot mini donuts, it’s going on the Tilt-a-Whirl and then vomiting up those donuts into the nearest trash can while a friend holds your hair back.

Like most cakers, I go to the C.N.E. every year but I don’t go for the rides. I go for the food. You’ll find me hanging out at the ice cream waffle stand, flirting with the fudge ladies or trying to tackle a pogo dog without looking like I’m in an adult movie. I also visit the Home Building and watch people wearing headset mikes try to convince me that this mop will change my life forever.

I’ll be heading to the C.N.E. this week and might post some of my observations. In the meantime, enjoy these colourful – and delicious! – carnival cookies, made with the wholesome goodness of Froot Loops. Which means you can totally eat them for breakfast.

2 cups Froot Loops
2 cups flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup soft shortening
½ cup soft butter
½ cup sugar
2 eggs
½ cup orange juice
½ cup chopped walnuts

Crush Froot Loops into fine crumbs using rolling pin. Set aside. Mix together flour, baking powder and salt. Beat shortening, butter and sugar together. Add eggs and orange juice. Beat well. Add dry ingredients, crushed Froot Loops and walnuts. Mix well. Drop by tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 12 minutes. Makes 5 dozen.

Source: Belleville Shrine Club

Make Do Squares

It's week three of Unfortunately Named Caker Recipes and I can hardly stand the excitement. This week’s recipe doesn’t have the same visual associations as Bun Spread or Corn Ring, but I think these squares are about as unfortunately named as caker recipes get.

Nothing says “low expectations” more than Make Do Squares. I’m not saying that cakers take a lot of pride in our cooking, but most of us at least put some effort into faking it. Call these squares “Cereal Celebration Crunchies.” Call them “Chocolate Cheerio Squares.” Just don't call them what they are – which is pretty much a brown cube of I-simply-don't-give-a-crap.

If you do make Make Do Squares, avoid bringing them to funerals, bridal showers or anniversary parties. You’ll send a mixed message which will leave people thinking you’re a) mean b) lazy c) suicidal or d) all three. Instead, save them for yourself for those times when you’re tired of making do with your job, your weight or your oppressive, suffocating relationship with Mother.

1/3 pound butter or margarine (see note)
12 ounce package chocolate or butterscotch chips
1 cup peanut butter
8 ounce package walnuts
1 bag miniature marshmallows or 3 to 4 cups of your favourite cereal (ie Captain Crunch, Cheerios)

Melt the butter, chips and peanut butter over medium heat. Add vanilla and remaining ingredients. Press into buttered 8 x 12 pan. Cool. Cut into squares.

Note: I screwed up the recipe and accidentally used 2/3 pounds of butter. They turned out a little, er, slick. But that's okay. I made did with them.

Source: Simply Delicious! A Collection of our Favourite Recipes, The United Way of Leeds and Grenville

Black Forest Squares

Ever since whatshisname with the wig and wooden false teeth chopped down his cherry tree, cakers have had a love affair with cherries, especially when they come in a can of gloopy, varnishy pie filling. Just consider some of the recipes I've already featured: Dump Cake, Coca Cola Salad and Easy Peasy Cherry Pie.

Cakers’ love of cherries explains why Black Forest cake is probably one of our favourites, especially when it comes from the grocery store under a plastic dome with an orange “Reduced for Quick Sale” sticker slapped on the side. Mmm. Can’t you just taste those disintegrating mountains of whipped cream and chocolately shavings now? Someone get me $4.99 and a fork!

Unlike the cake, these Black Forest Squares (although they're more cakeish than squareish) put the cherry pie filling into the batter. The result? Pretty much the dampest cake you’ll ever come across. And who doesn’t like damp? Unless, of course, it’s gym socks, your cellar or the back of your thighs on a July day while sitting on the vinyl-covered seat of a Chevette, wondering if Mother is ever going to come out of the bingo hall.

1 chocolate cake mix
2 eggs
1 teaspoon almond extract
1 can cherry pie filling
1 container chocolate icing

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In bowl, mix first 4 ingredients together until well blended. Pour mixture into greased 10x15 inch pan (see note) and bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Remove, let cool and ice with chocolate icing.

Note: 10x15? Who has a 10x15 pan? I used a 9x13 instead.

Source: Royal Recipes For the Love of Tiny Hearts, Children’s Hospital Foundation, Eastern Ontario and Western Quebec


HEY! May marks the TWO-YEAR anniversary of Caker Cooking! I’ve got a month-long special in the works that you won’t want to miss, so check back next week for all cakery good times.

Ragged Robins

Elderly cakers love dates. Maybe it’s because dates are high in fibre. Or the chewiness helps seniors exercise their jaw muscles. But I think the real reason is because when the elderly see a date, they think it's chocolate.

In any case, head to any mall food court catering to an over-80 set and you’ll find crowds of white-haired folks, washing down date squares, date loaves and date turnovers with cups of bad coffee and saying, “Begya pardon?” a lot.

If you have any elderly cakers in your life, these Ragged Robins will be as welcome as a Lawrence Welk rerun. That’s because they have dates. And walnuts. (Don’t even get me started on how much the elderly love walnuts). They also have cornflakes, which I guess is where the “ragged” part comes in. While the elderly might appreciate that little bit o’ crunch, I could’ve done without the cornflakes. And the dates.

Just don’t tell my food court friends.

PS – These look like bird poop, which must be where the "robin" part comes in.

Beat 2 egg whites until they stand up in peaks then gradually beat in ½ cup fine granulated white sugar, beating between additions.
Add:
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup sliced, pitted dates
½ cup chopped walnuts
2 ½ cups crisp Corn Flakes
Mix lightly together and drop by small spoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake in a moderate oven at 350° until firm and lightly browned.

Source: What’s Cooking Trinity United Church

Carmelitas

Some of you may remember my sister Sue and her Sue’s Tuna Burgers™. My sister is a gold mine for caker recipes, including one of my favourites, Taco Salad, which combines ground beef, iceberg lettuce and crushed Doritos. I haven’t posted that one yet because you need to make it for a crowd and I don’t have many friends.

These Carmelitas grace Sue’s Christmas Eve platter every year, alongside wedges of cookie pizza, macaroons and butter tart squares. But they’re too good to save only for Christmas. And since they have oats, they’re healthy enough to enjoy all year long.

Remember that pretty cousin who used to visit every summer? The tanned one in short shorts who'd toss her long, shiny hair around? I think that’s how a Hello Dolly square must feel next to a Carmelita. They both come from the same gene pool, but Carmelita has a gooey, sophisticated glamour that leaves Dolly feeling like a chunky, zit-splattered wallflower in gauchos and a neck brace.

Anyways, enough about me. Just make sure you make these because they’re ridiculously delicious. Speaking of delicious – I’ve got an extra special caker Easter treat lined up for next week. Be sure to check back. I promise you won't believe your eyes.

1 cup plus 3 tablespoons unsifted flour
1 cup quick oats uncooked
3/4 cup firmly-packed light brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup butter, melted
1 jar caramel topping or 1 cup
1 package chocolate chips
1/2 cup walnuts or pecans

Preheat oven to 350°. In large mixing bowl, combine 1 cup flour and next 5 ingredients and beat at low speed until mixed. Put into ungreased baking pan. Bake 10 minutes. Meanwhile, stir caramel topping and 3 tablespoons flour until well mixed. Remove pan from oven. Sprinkle choc pieces and nuts. Drizzle on caramel mixture. Return pan to oven and continue baking 20 to 25 minutes or more.

Source: handwritten recipe card
As far as the time frame for the card, all I have to say is, "Zig-a-zig-ah!"

Yum Yum Bars

Maybe I’m out of step with the times, but it seems like the idea of having company over is becoming a thing of the past. When was the last time you heard someone say, “I had company last night?” For me, it’s a statement as rare as “That Kardashian episode went deep” or “Wow, your muumuu is really slimming.”

So when I had the opportunity to entertain company last week, I jumped at the chance. I dusted off the tea mugs, plugged in the electric fireplace and Mother even put on a fresh housecoat. I decided to take a chance on a new caker recipe and told my guest that if she gave it the thumbs up, I’d put it on the blog.

Well, you’re reading this, so that means Yum Yum Bars were tasty as all-get-out. These squares combine melted caramel, salted nuts and chocolate. If you’re not already onboard, time to check your pulse. The only downside? Unwrapping 50 caramels. I lost two Lee Press On nails in the process.

Karen, it was a pleasure meeting you. And thanks for the company.

¾ cup butter, melted
1 package chocolate cake mix
2/3 cup evaporated milk
6-ounce package chocolate chips
1 cup nuts
50 caramels
1/3 cup evaporated milk

Mix first 3 ingredients together. Put ½ mixture in 9” x 13” pan. Bake for 6 minutes. (See note) Remove from oven and cool a little before spreading chocolate chips and nuts on top of baked mixture. Melt caramels in evaporated milk, pour over baked mixture. Put other ½ of cake mixture on top. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes at 350°. Do not cut right away. Better undercooked.

Source: Paterson Memorial Presbyterian Church 75th Anniversary Cookbook

Rum balls

There’s no point denying it – cakers love booze. Especially around the holiday season. In fact, a recent industry report revealed the top five most popular caker alcohols. They are (in order of preference):

5) Blue Curacao
4) Kahlua
3) Bailey’s Irish Cream (but only the homemade kind because the real stuff is way too expensive)
2) Any wine that’s pink

And at number one…(drumroll please)

1) Rum

I have a hunch that cakers love rum because it’s so versatile. We douse our fruitcakes with it, add it to our eggnog, and even dip our balls in it. Speaking of, these rum balls are pretty easy to make (I suppose that goes without saying), but just make sure you wet your hands with either water or (hiccup) more rum before rolling them in your hands. Otherwise, the sprinkles won’t stick.

I’m off to get a perm for tomorrow night’s Vintage Caker Christmas party. And then I have to clean. Seriously. You don’t know how stressful it is cleaning your house for Italians. They check the light bulbs for dust.

Come back on Monday to see all the party highs, lows, and well, probably more lows.

2 squares unsweetened chocolate
1 can Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk
2 tablespoons rum
2 cups graham cracker crumbs
Dissolve chocolate and milk in double boiler. Stir in rum. Add crumbs. Mix well. Let sit overnight. Roll into balls and dip in chocolate sprinkles.


Source: What’s Cooking at St. Joseph

Reader Recipe: Double Double Slice

Recently, I was accosted approached by a stranger at an event. Usually it’s Security, but this time, it was a Caker Cooking reader named Jenny. She told me that she recently dreamt (dreamed?) up a caker recipe (by that I mean she literally had a dream) and wanted to share it with me.

In Jenny’s words:

"Inspired (subconsciously) by Confetti Slice, the peanut-butter-and-coloured-marshmallow bake sale classic, it went by 'café au lait slice' in my dream. But the name didn’t sufficiently capture its cloying sweetness. Hence, Double Double Slice."

I made it (with some minor variations) and can confirm that Jenny’s Double Double Slice is double double delicious. It's like the sophisticated cousin of my controversial Peanut Butter Marshmallow Squares. In fact, I think Double Double Slice falls under a new caker category: nouveau caker cooking. (I'll have to trademark that before Sandra Lee catches wind.)

Since I always associate Peanut Butter Marshmallow Squares with the holidays, I'm more than happy to welcome Jenny’s Double Double Slice to my aluminium platter of Christmas baking.

Thanks, Jenny! Sweet dreams.

3 tablespoons butter
¾ cup dulce de leche or sweetened-condensed-milk toffee (See Note 1)
2 ½ cups white chocolate chips
3 teaspoons instant espresso powder (See Note 2)
4 cups white mini marshmallows

Melt butter, dulce de leche or toffee, and white chocolate chips in a double boiler. Stir in espresso powder until combined. If the mixture is too thick, add 1 tbsp cream. Let cool a bit. Stir in marshmallows, and press mixture into a greased 8-inch glass baking pan. Refrigerate until firm, and cut into squares. Preferably small squares. A little goes a long way.

Note 1: Jenny said if I couldn't find dulche de leche, I could boil a can of Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk in a pan of water for three hours to turn it into toffee. Three hours??? The Good Lord wants me to enjoy life and not stand beside a stove. So I used dulche de leche-flavoured Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk. It took three seconds to open.

Note 2: I have a hunch most cakers won't know what espresso powder is (pronounced "ex-pres-soh"). To be safe,  I substituted it with instant coffee granules. Decaffeinated, of course. You don't want hyper cakers on your hands during the holidays. Trust me.

Source: I Dream of Jenny