The holidays don’t officially start until I’m in my Snuggie, watching The Fireplace Channel and trying to figure out where the loop happens. I’m usually eating fudge while I do this. For those cakers who have yet to make it, fudge can be tricky because most recipes tell you to take its temperature. The first time I made it, I grabbed the thermometer out of the medicine cabinet. The bad news? The thermometer exploded. The good news? Mercury fudge soon became a family favourite.
You don’t need a thermometer for this Five Minute Fudge but you do need time. It took me 19 minutes and 22 seconds to make it! That’s not counting the time it took me to put on pants and lipstick, get in the Chevette, drive to the No Frills, buy the ingredients, stop for a double-double and a Boston Cream and come back home. Needless to say, I was tempted to send a letter of complaint to the Lambeth Co-operative Playschool for false advertising.
But then I tasted the fudge and I did a 360. Or is that a 180? Anyways, it’s good. Leave this out on the table for Santa on Christmas Eve and I bet he leaves you an extra present. Mainly his teeth. Sadly, fudge has its side effects.
2/3 cup Carnation milk, undiluted
1 2/3 cups sugar
2 cups (4 oz) miniature marshmallows (16 medium diced marshmallows)
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup chopped nuts
1 ½ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
¼ teaspoon salt
Mix milk, sugar and salt in saucepan over medium heat. Heat to boiling. Boil for 5 minutes longer, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Add marshmallows, chocolate chips, vanilla and nuts. Stir 1 to 2 minutes, until marshmallows are melted. Pour into buttered 9-inch pan. Cool and cut into squares.
Source: Our 20th Anniversary Cookbook, Lambeth, Ontario
It’s time for our second recipe in Caker Cooking's month-long Reader Recipe Extravaganza!
Today’s recipe comes from Bibi. She lives in Nepal, which I think is in northern Alberta. Bibi sent me the recipe for Humdingers (not to be confused with Dingle Hoofers) from a Louisiana church cookbook. I’d never heard of Humdingers before, but, like any caker, I’m always on the hunt for new ball-shaped foods.
These call for dates and if I'm going to be honest, I have mixed feelings about dates. On the one hand, they’re sweet. But on the other, they’re nutritious. So you can imagine my conundrum. In any case, Bibi’s Humdingers had my dinger humming. They were scrumptious! Even The Reluctant Eye-talian (that’s his nickname whenever I ask him to taste test something) gave them the thumbs up. The dates take on a caramel taste and once you toss in the Rice Krispies and nuts, well, you’ve got a little ball of paradise.
In fact, The Reluctant Eye-talian even had a suggestion. (This doesn't happen often.) “Why not roll them into logs?” he asked. “Then you can call it a Humdinger Finger.”
Back off, Martha Stewartson. He’s all mine.
Come back Monday for our next reader recipe. Thanks, Bibi!
1 stick butter
¾ cup sugar
8 oz chopped dates
1 tsp vanilla
2 ½ cups Rice Krispies
1 cup chopped nuts
powdered sugar
Melt butter and sugar over low heat. Add dates and cook over low heat until dates are melted (around 5 to 7 minutes). Remove from heat & add vanilla, Rice Krispies and nuts. Roll into small balls, then in powdered sugar.
Bibi’s notes:
I just heat and mix the sugar, dates, butter and vanilla over low heat until they become a caramelized goo using a WOODEN SPOON (see note 1). Then I pour the goo over the Rice Krispies and nuts and mix well. Allow mixture to cool for about 15-20 minutes before forming into balls or you'll burn your tootsies. I use a tablespoon to measure out the mixture for some uniformity in the “balls” (see note 2). To make the recipe more "familiar" in flavour for my Indian family, I add in the seeds of 10 green cardamoms (see note 3) and roll the balls in coconut flakes instead of powdered sugar.
Note 1: BIBI IS SERIOUS ABOUT THE WOODEN SPOON.
Note 2: Never underestimate the importance of uniform balls.
Note 3: That’s green CARDAMOMS, not green CARNATIONS. Carnation seeds don't taste good. I’m speaking from experience.
Source: Caker Bibi via Recipes from the Little Church on the Bayou, Cheneyville Trinity Church Cookbook
For some people, science is all about medical stuff. But for cakers, science is all about food. I mean, where would our people be without scientific breakthroughs like margarine, Rolaids and Propylene Glycol Ether of Methylcellulose?
Sometimes, I think science has spoiled us because fake food always tastes better than the real thing. For example, Tang tastes more orangey than real oranges. And Cool Whip tastes better than real whipped cream. And how about those strawberry marshmallows? You know the ones, with the crispy, sugary outer shell surrounding that soft interior? Way tastier than real strawberries.
While these homemade strawberries aren’t as good as the marshmallow kind, they’re pretty darn delicious. Plus, unlike real strawberries, they have calcium, thanks to sweetened condensed milk. And talk about cute!
Now look, I know not all of you are as artistic as me (Mother credits my small, doll-like hands), but these aren’t that hard to make. The recipe calls for green butter icing for the leaves, but I found another recipe that used green maraschino cherries. And I’m all for helping out those little green guys. Red maraschino cherries have all the fun.
PSST! To show how realistic these strawberries are, I put a real one in the photo. Think you can spot it? There’s a banana marshmallow coming your way if you do.
1 can Eagle Brand milk
2 tablespoons fruit sugar
¾ pound desiccated coconut (see note)
2 packages strawberry JELL-O
Keep out ½ pkg. strawberry JELL-O. Mix other ingredients. Form into strawberry shapes and roll in extra jelly powder. Make leaves of green butter icing and put small piece of green toothpick as stem.
Note: I eyeballed this one because I was afraid of how much ¾ pound of coconut would make. I mean, I like fake strawberries, but the ol’ thong is getting a little tight these days. LOL!!!
Source: From Our…Kitchen…To Yours, Eden United Church, Dundonald, Ontario
What the heck is going on with dog food these days? Take one look at the ingredients and you’ll see things like duck, organic blueberries and filet mignon in a bordelaise sauce. And let’s not get started on how much it costs.
I had a dog growing up and here’s what we fed him: orange and brown Ken-L-Ration food (it looked like Play-Do pushed through a meat grinder), little discs of brown wax called “Chocolate Drops,” and, at Christmas, red and green-dyed rawhide sticks. Heck, we’d even let him lap up the milk from our cereal bowls. It saved us having to wash them.
You know what? That dog lived until he was 18. Of course, the fact that we never got him fixed might’ve had something to do with it. He was likely holding onto the hope he’d eventually get something other than a leg.
In spite of its name, Puppy Chow isn’t dog food. It’s caker food. And it’s dog-gone delicious. You get the sweetness of the icing sugar mixed in with the creaminess of the peanut butter, not to mention all that free riboflavin in the Crispix. Move over, dogs. This one’s for the people.
8 cups Crispix cereal
½ cup margarine or butter
½ cup creamy peanut butter
½ cup chocolate morsels
2 cups powdered sugar
Melt butter. Add peanut butter and morsels. Stir well until melted. In large bowl, pour over cereal. Stir until cereal is coated. Put sugar in large plastic bag. Add cereal mix. Shake well.
Source: Our 20th Anniversary Cookbook, Lambeth Co-operative Playschool Inc.
Along with its elegance and refinement, caker cooking is often considered one of the world’s most mysterious cuisines. There are so many unanswered questions. For example, who discovered that soda crackers taste like Skor Bars? Or that Ritz crackers taste like apples? Or that a marshmallow and a Pilsbury crescent roll were good representations of Christ's resurrection?
Sometimes, the mystery rests not in the ingredients, but in the name. I had no idea what a “Cuban Lunch” was, let alone Marg’s connection to it. So I called my friends at Dateline NBC to do a little investigative work. Turns out Cuban Lunch used to be the name of a chocolate bar. As to Marg, Stone Philips told me that her identity remains shrouded in mystery. The people in Outlook, Saskatchewan were tight-lipped. Who is this Marg? And why do I picture her smoking cigars?
Anyways, these are perfect when you’re faced with that that sweet-or-salty dilemma. That’s because they have potato chips and chocolate. Be warned though: butterscotch chips are a little potent. I had an Italian complaining for three days that the house smelled of maple.
1 package butterscotch chips
1 package peanut butter chips
1 package chocolate chips
1 ½ cups crushed ripple potato chips
1 ½ cups nuts
Melt all of the packages of chips together on low heat. Add in the potato chips and nuts. Spoon into small paper cups and cool.
Source: With Hearts That Care and Hands That Serve, Outlook, Saskatchewan
Welcome to Reader Recipe Month! I’ll be posting your caker recipes every Monday and Friday throughout February. After all, what good is cholesterol if you can’t share it between friends?
It should come as a surprise to no one when I say that cakers love their balls. Cold, hot, cheesy, so long as it’s round, we’ll pop it into our mouths. (Which explains the high number of golf ball-related caker deaths every year.) A few weeks back, I was at a wedding when I met Caker Cooking reader, Debbie, who asked if I wanted her Cherry Balls recipe. I said, “I do.”
I had my heart set on red maraschino cherries, but couldn’t find any at No Frills. They only had green ones – and all the jars were dusty. Please, caker gods, if I ever get reincarnated, don’t send me back as a green maraschino cherry. I can’t imagine a lonelier fate.
Thanks for the recipe, Debbie. Knowing your delicious balls were waiting at home got me through the dark days.
Come back Friday for a reader recipe that takes you behind the candelabra.
Maraschino cherries and graham cracker crumbs
2 cups icing sugar
3/4 cup desiccated coconut (see note)
1/2 cup butter, softened
Mix all ingredients except cherries and graham cracker crumbs. Roll around cherry, then roll in graham cracker crumbs. Refrigerate until ready to eat.
Note: Debbie says, “I use sweetened shredded.”
Source: Caker Debbie
You never saw a bigger to-do in my family than when company came to visit. The beach towels would get taken off the living room furniture, the toilet tank fur would be washed, my dad would rake the orange-and-gold shag carpet and my mom would pace back and forth between the front door and the living room window, reminding me to not. Touch. ANYTHING!
After Eight mints were usually reserved for company visits. (Well, in my family, you were lucky if the mints made it until after four.) We even had a silver-plated container to hold the box. My mom was the portrait of sophistication as she passed the mints around, bathed in Elizabeth Taylor’s Passion perfume, asking if she could boil anyone another cup of Nescafé.
These mints reminded me of those company visits and After Eights. I realize that mints made with mashed potatoes might not sound too appetizing. But they’re pretty good. So long as you mash the potatoes really good. (No one likes a chunky mint.) And since potatoes are vegetables, it's safe to assume there’s a vitamin or two in each fluorescent one.
½ cup mashed potatoes
1 teaspoon peppermint flavouring
Food colouring to suit
2 ½ cups sifted icing sugar (see note)
Combine potatoes and half the sugar, add flavouring and colouring. Mix in remaining sugar until still. Knead until smooth. Roll into long rolls, then cut into bite-sized pieces. This mixture may be divided and different colours added – with one left plain (e.g. red, green, yellow, white). Good!
Note: I used more icing sugar to get the right consistency for kneading. It ended up being closer to 3½ cups.
Source: Cook Book of the Mount Royal United Church
As previously noted, we cakers like to steal popular food items, add some weird ingredients and then reclaim that food as our own. (See Quick and Easy Skor Bars as an example.) These Clod Hoppers are no different. Chocolatey. Salty. Graham crackery. In fact, I had to wonder: are these better than the original?
I conducted a taste test with myself and, well, myself and I found these Clod Hoppers tasted way better than the ones I bought at Bulk Barn. The ones from Bulk Barn had a faint cumin flavour. Although, if we're going to be honest, most things from Bulk Barn have a faint cumin flavour.
But don’t take my word for it. I brought these into the office and they were gone before I could even ask, “Any of you guys want to check out my new Beta video player this weekend?”
4 cups Golden Grahams cereal
2 cups white chocolate wafers
2 tablespoons oil
1 cup salted peanuts
Melt chocolate and oil in a double boiler. Add peanuts and grahams. Spread onto a waxed paper lined cookie sheet. When cooled and set, break into pieces. Store in airtight containers.
Source: Celebration Cookbook, Canadian Bible Society
As a young’un, I remember diving headfirst into a pile of leaves in our backyard and hearing the sound of my dad’s voice trailing behind me:
“Watch out for the dog poooooppppp…”
I haven’t been able to look at a pile of leaves with the same reckless abandon since.
These popcorn balls remind me of that time. Rest assured, there’s no dog shit or leaves in the recipe. Cakers can be cheap when it comes to ingredients, but not that cheap, for God’s sake. That said, there is a dog shit equivalent in popcorn balls: unpopped kernels.
All I can say is don’t start chowing down on these balls before stopping to consider what could be lurking beneath the surface. New teeth ain’t cheap, after all.
6 tablespoons butter
3 cups mini marshmallows or 24 large
3 tablespoons JELL-O powder (pick a colour for different occasions)
3 quarts popcorn or ¾ cup kernels
Melt butter and marshmallows. Blend in JELL-O powder. Mix with popcorn. Butter hands and shape into balls.
Source: Our 20th Anniversary Cookbook, Lambeth Co-operative Playschool Inc.
I often think of fudge as the black hole of candy. There simply isn’t any other confectionary that comes close to its sugar density. If sweetness could be quantified by weight, a cube of fudge would be so heavy, it would be impossible to pick it up. You'd have to get down on all fours and nibble on it like a rat does cheese.
But something tells me that wouldn't go over too well with the ladies at Auxiliary Branch 133.
While I don't consider fudge itself caker – although it’s about as Anglo Saxon as you can get – there’s a magical ingredient in this recipe which gives it the Caker Seal of Approval. Can you tell which one it is?
Here's a clue: if you get it in your hair while making this, you’re screwed.
3 cups sugar
¾ cup margarine (I used butter)
6 ounce can evaporated milk (about 1/2 of a large can)
12 ounce package semi-sweet chocolate pieces
7 ounce jar Kraft Marshmallow Cream (I used Fluff brand)
1 cup chopped nuts
1 teaspoon vanilla
Combine sugar and margarine with milk. Bring to rolling boil, stirring constantly. Boil 5 minutes over medium heat, stirring constantly (mixture scorches easily). Remove from heat. Stir in chocolate pieces until melted. Add marshmallow cream, nuts and vanilla. Beat until well blended. Pour into greased pan and cool. Cut into squares.
Source: Cooking Favorites of Cobourg, Ladies Auxiliary Branch 133
