Stuffed Mushrooms

If you’re like me, you’re in the throes of planning your holiday party. Lucky for me, I’m a caker. And that means I take Easy Street and have a potluck. Just think – people show up to your party and bring you food. You don’t have to do anything except answer the door. And maybe sprinkle some Love My Carpet around.

If you’re feeling generous, put out a few appetizers. Usually, I set out a bowl of Ruffles and Lipton Onion Soup mixed with sour cream (still in the container, of course!) And, if my allowance cheque from Mother doesn’t bounce, I might opt for a shrimp ring. But only one. I’m not responsible for feeding the entire neighborhood, for heaven’s sake! LOL!

I came across these Stuffed Mushrooms and thought they’d make great appetizers. Mushrooms are cheap and you don’t even have to use real bacon. I bought the simulated soy kind which tastes more like bacon than bacon, in my caker opinion. As far as quantities, if you’re having 20 people over, make five of these and quarter them. People are always watching their calories over the holidays. They’ll thank you.

Save your egg cartons and come back Wednesday for a timeless holiday craft!

Whole mushrooms
Bacon bits
Shredded cheddar cheese
Mayonnaise

Wash and remove stems from the mushrooms. Mix equal amounts of bacon bits, cheese and mayonnaise. Place cleaned mushrooms on a cookie sheet. Fill with the mixture of bacon bits/cheese/mayonnaise. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes approximately.

Source: Our 20th Anniversary Cookbook, Lambeth, Ontario

Tang Shake and Ants on Logs

When it comes to hosting relatives, cakers have a love/hate relationship. On the one hand, it gives us a chance to show off our electric fireplaces, our ping pong tables that double as buffet tables and polish up the good set of Tupperware. But it can also be stressful. We have to give tours of our town and make it sound interesting. And act like we’re happily married and that our kids are normal. And breathe through our mouths when Uncle Dick emerges from the bathroom after being in there for a half hour.

Thankfully, cakers are a simple breed, so feeding one another isn’t as much of an issue. When it comes to offering a mid-day snack around the above-ground pool, Ants on Logs and Tang Shakes are the perfect way to tide your guests over until the suppertime casserole. The Tang Shake tastes just like a Creamsicle and reminded me of one of my all-time favourite caker recipes, Tang Pie, which was sent to me by Caker Cooking reader, Bob.

Ants on Logs are equally delicious. But a word of caution: They’re complicated to make. You have to cut the celery and then spread on the peanut butter and then delicately lay on your “ants.” Give yourself lots of time and you’ll be fine. Guaranteed those relatives will be raving about the Martha Stewartson in the family for weeks to come.

Tang Shake
1 cup milk
1 heaping tablespoon Tang
1 scoop vanilla ice cream or orange sherbet

Put into blender and blend. Makes one large glassful.

Source: Kitchen Tested Recipes from Milford, Milford United Church












Ants on Logs
Celery sticks with peanut butter spread in centre and raisins on top. (See note) Kids love them.

Note: While this may be the shortest recipe ever posted on Caker Cooking, it's by no means the easiest. Don’t be fooled.

Source: Favourite Recipes, Crumlin United Church

Battle of the Veggie Dips: Marlene vs. the Winnipeg Ceramic Club

Marlene's Vegetable Dip

Now that the warmer weather is here, many cakers will be coming out of hibernation, trading in their cowl neck sweaters for wedges and tube tops – and those are just the men. We’ll also start entertaining, which means airing out the basement, washing the toilet tank fur and polishing the Tupperware.

It also means putting on a spread. And while cakers, in general, aren’t vegetable enthusiasts, we’ll tolerate a veggie tray every now and then provided those veggies come with a side of saturated fat.

The Winnipeg Ceramic Club's Veggie Dip

I couldn’t decide which of these veggie dips to make, since they both looked pretty good. Marlene’s called for Cheez Whiz and the Winnipeg Ceramic Club recipe called for that caker elixir, Catalina salad dressing. So I made both, slipped on the wedges and invited a friend over to taste-test both.

It was a tough call, but overall, the Winnipeg Ceramic Club’s recipe packed more punch in the flavour department. It was the right mix of tang and sweetness. Having said that, I fell in love with the colour of Marlene’s dip and decided to paint my walls with it. Now I’m starting to worry about the smell when the first heat wave hits.


Marlene’s Vegetable Dip
½ cup Cheez Whiz
1 cup mayonnaise
sprinkle garlic powder
Cream well, serve with sliced vegetables.

Source: Our Favorite Recipes Cookbook, ICU/CCU The General Hospital Health Sciences Centre, St. John’s, Newfoundland











Veggie Dip
8 ounces cream cheese
½ cup ketchup
¼ cup Catalina dressing
1 tablespoon chopped onion
Mix together until smooth and creamy.

Source: Our Favourite Recipes Cookbook, C.F.B. Winnipeg Ceramic Club

Chocolate Chip Cheese Ball

When I’m thumbing through a cookbook, it’s pretty easy for me to separate the caker recipes from the non-caker ones. The telltale signs are instructions like, “pour contents of envelope,” or “assemble all ingredients,” or “cover and bake until Oprah’s over.” But sometimes, a recipe can leave me on the fencepost.

Cheese balls are popular among cakers, mainly because they combine our love of cheese and ball-shaped food. And while Chocolate Chip Cheese Ball looked tasty, I wasn’t sure it was caker enough. Then I came across this ingredient:

Simulated chocolate chips

And that sealed the deal. Why would cakers eat real chocolate when we could eat pieces of brown wax instead? Of course, you could use real chocolate chips, but don’t admit this to other cakers. It’ll get awkward and you'll hear comments like, “Well, someone won the lottery,” or “Girls, look who's gone all Martha Stewartson on us.”

1 package cream cheese, softened
½ cup butter
¼ teaspoon vanilla
¾ cup icing sugar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
¾ cup miniature simulated chocolate chips
Graham crackers

Blend cream cheese, butter and vanilla until fluffy. Add sugars; beat just until combined. Combine the chocolate chips. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours. Place cream cheese mixture on a long piece of plastic wrap. Shape into a big ball. Serve with graham crackers.

Note: I rolled my ball in the remaining chocolate chips to maximize the simulation taste.

Source: Our Family Favourites, Stirling Primary/Junior School

Yes, this is the second week in a row I've used this cookbook, but it's a goldmine. Plus, that cover is a work of art.

Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!

Now that summer is here, you’ll find me alongside my aboveground pool, wearing my sarong and water wings (along with a good spritz of Raid) and entertaining mother my countless caker friends on any given night of the week.

I like entertaining poolside because everyone knows you’re not supposed to swim on a full stomach. That means I can get away with feeding my guests as little as possible and feel good that I’m saving them from a potential drowning.

This week, I’m featuring not one but TWO pizza hors d'oeuvres recipes, because who doesn’t like small round things? Especially when there are Ritz crackers involved. And ketchup. These little gems are best hot, so try to get them out to your guests before the cheese has time to congeal. And remember: only one per person. Lives are depending on it.

Little Pizza
Ritz crackers
Pizza sauce or tomato paste
Sliced pepperoni
Mozzarella cheese
Mushrooms
Olives

Spread Ritz crackers with sauce, place a square of cheese on each. Add pepperoni, mushrooms and slice of olive. Place on cookie sheet and heat in 350° oven until cheese melts. Serve hot.

Source: Country Favourites Cookbook, Mitchell’s Corners Home and School Association









Tortilla Pizza
1 whole wheat tortilla
Ketchup
Grated cheese
Chili powder

Spread ketchup on tortilla. Sprinkle with grated cheese. Sprinkle with chili powder. Microwave for about 1 minute or till cheese is melted. Roll up or cut into pizza slices.

Source: Our Family Favourites, Stirling Primary/Junior School

Spinach Dip

I’m kind of blue that Caker Cooking reader month has come its end. I learned so many things – that stale donuts taste better with ice cream, that wieners rolled in corn flakes taste like pogo dogs and that Tootsie Rolls make great cat turds. I'm a better caker, thanks to all of you.

Speaking of cakers, if there's one thing we hate more than nutrition, it's doing dishes. How else can you explain the pride we take in our one-dish recipes? This Spinach Dip is the ultimate caker fantasy – not only are there no dishes to wash, you actually EAT the dish! Cakers haven’t been this revved up since Taco Bell introduced Taco Salad.

Made with pumpernickel loaf, Spinach Dip is a staple of caker cocktail parties, baby showers and pretty much any lonely weeknight. It’s one of the rare instances where cakers allow themselves to venture beyond white bread. Just make sure you buy the chopped frozen spinach and not whole frozen spinach. A friend of mine made that mistake once and everyone had pieces of spinach dangling down the back of their throats for the rest of the evening. Ever been around a cat trying to get rid of a hairball?

It wasn't pretty.

1 cup sour cream
1 cup mayonnaise
1 small cooking onion, diced
1 package Knorr vegetable soup mix
1 package frozen chopped spinach, thawed
Pumpernickel bread
Squeeze out all water from spinach. Mix all ingredients. Serve in hollowed pumpernickel bread. Alternative: Add ½ cup grated cheese.


Source: What’s Cooking at St. Joseph

Reader Recipe: Baked Frankfurters

This month, I’m spreading the caker love. Throughout February, every recipe will come from Caker Cooking readers. It’s my way of saying “thank you." I sincerely mean that to both of you. Your enthusiasm and support make the cholesterol, edema and irregular heartbeats worthwhile.

Speaking of heartbeats, nothing gets one racing more than a hot wiener, especially when it's rolled in cornflakes. This recipe comes from Eartha, who discovered the cookbook, Cooking with Love and Cereal, at a thrift store of all places! Eartha said she was drawn to it because of the glamorous photo on the cover, although I think the poor girl looks like she's in pain. (Apparently, the girl was the taste tester, so that explains things.)

I didn't have the highest expectations for these, but I'm here to tell you that Baked Frankfurters are surprisingly delicious. They taste kinda like pogo dogs which means you can get your carny fix in the off-season. I'm still a little confused, though. Are Baked Frankfurters an appetizer? A main course for cakers who live next to railroad tracks? A late night snack that gets washed down with a Coke Slurpee and tears? Who cares? It’s up to you! Remember: the best wieners are the ones with flexibility.

Check out Eartha's own blog, Ranch Dressing with Eartha Kitsch.

Thanks, Eartha!

10 frankfurters
1/2 cup catsup
2 cups crushed cornflakes crushed into 1/2 cup of crumbs

1. Dip frankfurters in catsup.
2. Roll in cereal.
3. Put in greased or foil lined, shallow pan.
4. Bake at 400 degrees for about 12 minutes, until hot and crisp
5. Serve with catsup and mustard, if desired. Serves 5!

Variation: Substitute ½ cup mustard or mixture of 1/4 cup catsup and 1/4 cup mustard for the catsup in step #1.

Source: Cooking with Love & Cereal

Cocktail Meatballs

Folks, there’s no cause for alarm. That bouquet of Charlie perfume and shrimp cocktail sauce you’ve been smelling lately isn’t the sign of a stroke. It simply means that Caker Christmas Cocktail Party Season (or CCCPS) is in full swing.

Caker holiday parties are great because you get to hover around a nut-crusted cheese ball, snoop through people’s medicine cabinets and play Connect Four. And there's always someone in reindeer antlers who has too many rum and Cokes and refuses to come out of the bathroom.

Guaranteed you'll find these tangy meatballs during CCCPS. The ingredients may not look too appetizing (grape jelly and chili sauce?) but a bit of magic happens when the two are combined. Don’t forget the toothpicks. You don’t want to burn your fingers fishing the meatballs out of the pot.

Prepare small one-bite size meatballs and fry until well done. (See note 1.) This can be done ahead and then stored in the refrigerator.

Sauce: Make up just before serving. Combine equal amounts of Heinz Chili Sauce and Welch’s Grape Jelly to desired volume. (See note 2.)

Warm until the mixture is glassy. Add meatballs to sauce and warm thoroughly. (See note 3.) Serve in a chafing dish on cocktail sticks. An excellent party appetizer.

Note 1: Or do what I did and buy the pre-cooked frozen ones and heat them in the sauce.
Note 2: I made about 30 meatballs and used 2 cups each of chili sauce and jelly.
Note 3: I let mine simmer for about a half hour. You can also do them in a slower cooker.

Source: Mixed Blessings Book of Recipes, Salem United Church

(Not exactly a title that inspires confidence, is it?)

Cheese Snacks

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I’m about as caker as you can get, but that doesn’t mean my own people can’t mystify me at times. Or horrify me. (This still gives me nightmares.) Still, I’m willing to give most cakers the benefit of the doubt.

When I saw this recipe, I wondered, “Why?” Why dip cubes of bread into cheddar cheese soup? Was this an appetizer? A main course for low-income cakers? The ramblings of a mad church lady?

But I made them, because you never know. These could be totally delicious. Right?

Let’s just say my people continue to mystify me.

1 can Campbell’s cheddar cheese soup
1 can milk (as per soup instructions)
Stale bread, cut into cubes (see note)

Prepare Campbell’s cheddar cheese soup as directed with milk. Dip bread on three sides [EDITOR'S NOTE: A cube has six sides. Why are the other three sides completely ignored?!? This should've been my first red flag.] and place on pan. Put in 450º to 475º oven for 8-10 minutes.

Note: I used sour dough bread because I thought it would taste better. Chalk one up to naïveté.

Source: Our 20th Anniversary Cookbook, Lambeth Co-operative Playschool Inc.

Nuts and Bolts

When it came to entertaining, my folks knew how to live it up. They’d dust off the half-empty bottles of Captain Morgan Rum and Canadian Club, bring out the Petro Canada 1984 Olympic tumblers, push a “Country Gold” 8-track tape into the stereo and let the good times roll, baby.

A heaping bowl of homemade Nuts and Bolts is as essential to caker parties as a shrimp ring, forced laughter and the cloying smell of Charlie perfume. But be warned: this recipe makes a lot. Like, a bucket. So unless you want to be like me and find yourself three pounds heavier in a week's time, I’d hold off making it until you’re entertaining a crowd.

2 cups oil (see note)
2 packages onion soup mix
1 tablespoon garlic salt (No Frills didn’t have any, so I went with garlic powder)
1 box Crispix
¾ box Cheerios
1 large bag hickory sticks (or 3 small bags)
1 can mixed nuts
1 large bag pretzels (I bought the twisted, but recommend the sticks)

Heat oven to 250°. Mix all ingredients well in a large roaster. Bake for 2 ½ hours, stirring every ½ hour. Cool.

Note: I mixed the oil, soup mix and garlic powder together first, then poured it over the mixture. This seemed like an easy way to distribute.

Source: With Hearts that Care and Hands that Serve, Outlook and District Volunteer Services, Outlook, Saskatchewan

Imperial Cheese Cookies

Warning! Saturated fat alert! 

If you suffer from high cholesterol, PLEASE LEAVE THIS PAGE IMMEDIATELY.

Allow me to introduce you to these butter-rich Imperial Cheese Cookies. These savoury delicacies stake their claim somewhere between Cheddar Ritz crackers and Nabisco Cheese Nips.

For those of you unfamiliar with Imperial Cheese, it’s like hoity toity Cheez Whiz. Most cakers reserve it for dinner parties, along with Nuts n’ Bolts, Blue Curacao and napkins with sayings like “We don’t Swim in your Toilet, so don’t Pee in our Pool.”

You can find Imperial Cheese with all the other spreadable cheeses at your local grocery store. It’s the red container giving the box of Velveeta an inferiority complex.

1 250 gram container Imperial cheese, slightly softened
½ pound margarine or butter (1 cup), slightly softened
2 cups flour
1 cup Rice Krispies

Heat oven to 350°. Cream cheese and margarine or butter. Mix in flour. Mix in Rice Krispies. Form into balls on cookie sheet. Press down with a fork. Dip fork in flour to keep from sticking. Bake for approximately 10 minutes.

Source: "Let's Break Bread Together," The United Churches in Canada