Top Five Caker Fashions

Sadly, man clogs didn't make the list. But they're still  hot.

Cakers can’t live by food alone. We also need clothing to wear to the buffet. Well, most of us do, anyway. So I asked Mrs. Hunter, creator of the fashion blog, Style Forage, to come up with her five essential caker closet must-haves. If you’re missing any of these, time to turn in the can opener and cancel your subscription to Reader's Digest.

Think we missed something? Tell us and you could WIN a prize! Details after the list.


1) An all-season cardigan
Mrs. Hunter says: Humidity be damned. Buttoned-up over a coordinating blouse, an unseasonably warm knit is best accessorized with a brooch and worn atop matching slacks.

Caker Brian says: I like wearing nothing underneath my cardigans. It’s cooler and makes me feel like I’m living on the edge. But watch where you’re sticking that brooch or you’ll have a nipple 911.

2) Lee Press-On Nails
Mrs. Hunter: Who has time to sit in a salon when you can just press these puppies on and go? The precariousness of the faux talons – known to pop off with a simple scratch of the nose – might give some insight into why cakers cook the way they do. "Emptying" the contents of an envelope is a lot easier on the Press-ons than chopping.

Caker Brian: True story. My mom wore Lee Press-On nails to my sister’s bridal shower. When she went to the bathroom, half her nails fell into the toilet when she pulled up her pantyhose. Don’t tell her I told you that.


3) Slacks (not to be confused with pants)
Mrs. Hunter: The typically cheap poly blend means that they’re affordable enough to buy in an army of solid colours and the elasticized waistband easily accommodates sodium bloat from too much Ranch House Casserole.

Caker Brian: Remember, folks: slacks have no fly. I once stood at a urinal for a good 10 minutes before realizing that. I still don’t think security believed me.

4) Spice-coloured nylons
Mrs. Hunter: Don’t settle for nude when you can have that just-came-out-of-a-week-in-the-sun-sans-sunscreen look. Why do cakers love the orangey-red hue? Maybe it camouflages blemishes on aged legs more effectively, or maybe it’s the way the terracotta tone really makes those white pumps pop.

Caker Brian: I found these pantyhose at the Goodwill. The original price tag was 99 cents. Goodwill was selling them for 99 cents. Something seemed crooked about that. I got some strange looks from the cashier, too. She probably prefers taupe.



5) White pumps
Mrs. Hunter: Rounding out our list is a brilliant pair of go-with-everything, white pumps. Not to be confused with the white pumps that actually are en vogue among the fashion set this season, featuring sharp lines, geometric heels and ankle cuffs, cakers like to seal the deal with a moderate heel, rounded toe, and scuffs where sneaker whitener hasn’t quite done the trick.

Caker Brian: You just can’t beat the timelessness of an open-toed pump. Especially when worn with tight jeans and a hangover. Oh, and don’t sniff sneaker whitener. It causes you to repeat things. Oh, and don’t sniff sneaker whitener.


Think we missed an essential caker fashion? Tell us what it is – and why it should be included on this list. Mrs. Hunter will pick what she thinks is the best comment and the winner will receive a copy of Grace: A Memoir, courtesy of the good folks at Random House of Canada. Grace Coddington is the creative director at Vogue. So she knows all about (non-caker) fashion. Named one of the best books of the year by Financial Times.

Only one post person and people can pick the same thing. Just make sure your reasons are better. Deadline for posts is Tuesday, July 30 at midnight. Good luck!

Update: Submissions are now closed. The winning entry will be announced in the next post, going up Tuesday, August 6!

Caker Cooking Contest Winners!

A couple weeks back, I posted my first-ever Caker Cooking contest. Readers were eligible to win a copy of my recently-released paperback, Natural Order, and a handwritten caker recipe that has yet to appear on this blog!  Bob Barker has nothing on me. 

Five winners were selected at random. I’ve posted their names, along with the recipe they’re getting and where it came from. Suffice to say, five people are pinching themselves right now.

Thanks to everyone who entered – and happy cakering.

Brian

Winner 1: Mary P.

Recipe: Cherries in the Snow

From: With Hearts that Care and Hands that Serve, Outlook and District Volunteer Services

There's something kinda dirty about the name of this dish, but I won't dwell on it.

Winner 2: Luisa C.

Recipe: Creme de Menthe Balls

From: From Our Kitchens....With Love, Glen Ayr United Church Women

There's something kinda...well, I won't dwell on it.

Winner 3: Jen W. 

Recipe: Luscious Rum Gateau

From: Guess What's Coming for Dinner, 1977, Mothers and Others

Truthfully, I'd rather not know "what's" coming for dinner.

Winner 4: Tanis M.

Recipe: Chuck Wagon Casserole

From: Simple 'n' Special, St. Paul's United Church

"Simple 'n' special" pretty much sums up my life philosophy.

Winner 4: Mimi
Recipe: Pink Thing 
From: London Newcomers' Cook Book

I can't remember the last time someone served me Pink Thing, it's been that long.

Caker Cooking Contest!

Contest is now closed. 
Winners will be notified shortly. Thanks to everyone who entered!

By now, some of you might know that I write novels. My second book, Natural Order, just came out in paperback and to celebrate, I'm giving away copies to say thanks for making Caker Cooking the worldwide phenomenon it is today.

Five winners will receive a book, along with a handwritten index card (good luck reading my chicken scratch) featuring a caker recipe that has yet to appear on this blog. That's right, folks. You're getting an exclusive caker recipe personally selected from my vast library of coil-bound cookbooks. I'll also personalize the book.

Hope you enjoy the book – and the recipe.

Mimi n' Me

My fellow blogger extraordinaire, Mimi, recently invited me to participate in her Weight Watchers retro potluck extravaganza.

I was responsible for the cocktails. Unfortunately.

To find out why, check out my post here.

Thanks, Mimi!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing you every joy of a Caker Thanksgiving, minus the indigestion.

Here's what we enjoyed at my family Thanksgiving dinner: JELL-O with suspended mandarin slices courtesy of my mom.

See? Cakers really do consider JELL-O a side dish. Pass the gravy!

July is Gelatin Month!

The Three Cakers

Before heading into the soft and glistening world of gelatin for the month of July, I thought it necessary to identify the three types of caker cooking – and here you thought there was only one!

1) New School Caker

Think Sandra Lee, Duncan Hines frosting and Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercials. 

2) Old School Caker

Think ’70s, full-sodium canned soup and TV Guide recipes.

3) Vintage Caker

Think Sunday hams, pickled watermelon rinds, gelatin molds and your grandmother.

Of these, cakers generally find vintage the hardest to…er, swallow. Case in point: a friend brought a party sandwich loaf to Caker Christmas a few years back. It’s a loaf of white bread, made into sandwiches with various fillings (usually tuna, egg and salmon). The sandwiches are then reassembled back into a loaf shape, which is then “iced” with cream cheese.

No one touched it. In fact, several people didn’t return the following year, including my friend. Perhaps, like Dr. Frankenstein, he was traumatized by his own creation.

Recently, someone gave me a copy of Knox On-Camera Recipes: A completely new guide to Gel-Cookery. I became entranced by the recipes: Tomato Aspic, Chicken Mousse and Chocolate Chiffon Dessert, among others. This was vintage caker cooking in all of its jiggly glory. Maybe the world needed to give vintage caker cooking a second chance.

For the next four weeks, I’ll feature a different recipe from the book. Truthfully, I have no idea how this will go. My old school caker gut is telling me that some foods simply aren’t meant to be encased in gelatin.

But I could be wrong.

Let’s go on a gelatin journey and find out. 

Caker FAQs

To answer some of the questions that…well, no one has asked yet, I’ve put together the following list for quick reference.

What’s a “caker?”

In short, an Anglo-Saxon who cooks with Cheez Whiz, Cream of Mushroom soup and Cool Whip. The word “caker” is a short form of “mangicake,” a term coined by Italians. For my personal caker journey, click here.

Am I a caker?

That depends. Did you grow up throwing spaghetti against a wall to check if it was done? Were most of your meals served in a single dish? Was JELL-O considered a vegetable? If “yes,” welcome to the club. You’re a caker.

What’s the difference between caker and white trash cooking?

Caker cooking seems to be uniquely Canadian. White trash cooking is American. White trash cooking is about cheapness. Caker cooking is more about convenience.  White trash cooking takes pleasure in its garishness whereas caker cooking is more dignified. Bottom line is that you’ll never see a crown roast made of hot dog wieners on this blog.

Are the recipes any good?
Let me put it this way - most of the recipes I post come from small communities. Whoever submits the recipe includes his or her name. Usually, this person is a woman. If this woman submits a crappy recipe that wastes the time and money of her friends, co-workers and fellow church goers, well, just watch her try to find a Bridge partner the next time she needs one.

Where do you get your recipes?
I’ve been collecting cookbooks and recipes over the years. I’ll always post the source of the recipe and an image of the cookbook cover if I have it. Many of the recipes you see are from church cookbooks. That’s not to say all church cooking is caker cooking. I’ve simply pulled the best caker recipes from them.

How often do you post new recipes?
Every Monday, come hell or high cholesterol.

What makes a recipe a "caker" recipe?
1) A “magic” ingredient. We cakers love to think we’ve discovered some sort of short cut. Usually, this short cut requires a can opener.
2)   Ease. The recipe has to have as few steps and as few ingredients as possible.
3)   Frugality. There’s nothing more wasteful than spending good money on food.

My Caker Journey

I don’t remember the first time I heard the word, or the context in which it was said. I didn’t know what a "caker" was, let alone a "mangiacake." It was only years later, when I settled into life with my Italian partner, that the word began popping up more and more.

“What’s a caker?” I asked him once.

“You know,” he replied. “Canadian.”

“But you were born here. Aren’t you Canadian?”

“Yes, but I still consider myself Italian.”

“So then all Canadians are cakers?”

“No. Only the ones who cook with Cheez Whiz.”

I thought back to the years of casseroles I’d consumed, the packets of Dream Whip, the frozen Tater Tots, the Wonder Bread and Ritz crackers. I was raised in the ‘70s within an Anglo Saxon cultural fog. Part Scottish, part Irish, part I-don’t-know-but-does-it-really-matter? Like so many of my friends, I grew up with no sense of Old World traditions. We were, well, Canadians. But we weren’t cakers.

Were we?

But to back peddle a bit – exactly how did this “mangiacake” business start up? 

There seems to be two possible origins. The first is that when Italian immigrants came to North America, they couldn’t afford luxuries like cake, so they were forced to sit and watch all the Anglos stuff their faces. Hence, “cake-eaters.” The second version claims that immigrant Italians considered North American bread too cake-like for their liking.

Whatever the origins, the die was cast. The “mangiacake” was born.

My own identification as a caker came more into focus when I started to see my world through my Italian in-laws' eyes. Lunch consisted of five courses of food with names that sounded more like opera titles: sopresatta, friulano, prosciutto, zabaglione. When it came time for us to dine at my parents' place, it was hard not to cringe at the white kaiser buns tossed onto the table, the packaged luncheon meat, the neon orange processed cheese slices in fanned out display, the tub of mint-green coleslaw. What arias could be found in a bottle of Catalina?

It was only when I held my culture up to another, I realized how pale (and that's Cream of Mushroom soup pale) my own culture actually was. The Italians were right. I was a bonafide caker through and through.

What followed, naturally, was shame. I thought about the meals my in-laws made, the preparation, the ceremony, the sweat, the angst over whether or not the tomato sauce had turned out “acido.” At every meal, the food is discussed, inspected, often times critiqued, but in the end, always celebrated.

Not so with the cakers. Our food takes its merits from convenience, how few ingredients are needed, and if we manage to get away with only one dish to clean up afterwards.

I became the worst kind of caker – the apologetic one. I was embarrassed of caker food: the cheapness, the unhealthiness, the laziness that went into its preparation.

A few years into our relationship, I invited my partner's siblings, their spouses and a few friends over for a Christmas party. On a whim, I christened it a “Caker Christmas Party.” They laughed at the Duncan Hines cake box I taped to my front door and the plate of Triscuits and Velveeta cheese I set out as the centerpiece. The following year, I had Caker Christmas again. Only this time, I made it participatory. All invited guests would have to bring a caker dish. Some were nervous at first (and a little scared), but with a lot of handholding and reassurances that yes, you really do put crushed potato chips on top of the casserole, everyone persevered. Caker Christmas was a hit and the Italians ate it up – literally.

If there was a lesson learned that night, it was this – that caker food, in spite of its simplicity, over-processed ingredients and perilous sodium content, tastes damn good.

Fourteen years later, Caker Christmas is now an annual holiday tradition. I couldn’t stop having it if I wanted to. The Italians love it. Sure, they turn their noses up at the dishes, but I get immense satisfaction watching them go back for seconds.

Most importantly, what’s transpired over those dishes of melting para-mee-shun cheese, chow mein noodles and canned corn has been something I never expected – a celebration. Of my food and my caker culture. It took another culture to help me appreciate my own.

So this blog is my way of celebrating all things caker. Each week, I'll post a new recipe from the cookbooks I've acquired over the years. Whether this blog reacquaints you with some familiar recipes or introduces you to new ones, remember to be proud of your caker upbringing. Tuna casserole isn’t made with shame, my friend. Only love.

And to all you non-cakers out there – welcome to the party. 

Brian