Wieners and Beans

Cakers can’t leave well enough alone. We’re like the bedazzlers of the food world.

For example, take something classic like good ol’ wieners and beans. Most non-cakers would assume that the folks at Heinz know a thing or two about making beans. After all, common sense tells us that adding ingredients to canned food seems to defeat the purpose of canned food in the first place. Right?

Not so with cakers. We can’t resist adding some dehydrated onion flakes or a plop of ketchup to just about anything. It’s a wonder this recipe doesn’t say to roll the wieners in JELL-O powder.

Crap. I shouldn’t have said that. Somewhere, a light bulb just went off inside a caker’s head.

2 cans pork and beans
1 package onion soup mix
½ cup catsup
¼ cup water
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon prepared mustard
1 pound wieners (See note 1)

Mix together all ingredients. Place in casserole and bake in moderate oven for 30 minutes (See note 2).

Note 1: 1 pound = one package

Note 2: I left these in longer. About 45 minutes at 350.

Source: Cooking with Durham County Junior Farmers

Caker Sharing is Caker Caring

I always enjoy hearing from fellow cakers and lately, I've been hearing from more and more of you. Is it any wonder that this little ditty has been playing in my head?

Sherri recently sent me the link for this recipe. Folks, your eyes aren't deceiving you. It's an edible candle. My god, are cakers clever or what?

If you come across something and want to share it, simply email me at cakercooking at gmail dot com and I'll do my best to post it and spread the caker love.

Captain Crunch Cookies

I've never met a sugar cereal I didn’t like. Golden Grahams. Cocoa Puffs. Trix. I don’t care. Just give me a big bowl, some milk and a cereal box with a maze activity on the back and I’ll be entertained for hours.

Nevertheless, Captain Crunch has always made me a little uneasy. I can’t figure out what it’s supposed to be. It’s not fruit or chocolate-flavoured. It doesn’t have any freeze-dried pastel marshmallows. I don’t even know what's up with those shapes. Are they barrels? Pillows? Clutch purses? I suppose the one thing Captain Crunch has going for it is its crunch. And the sugar.

Speaking of sugar, these cookies gon’ wind you up real good. They’re buttery, crispy and, yes, sweet. After eating one (or two), call your dentist before your teeth fall out.

1 cup margarine (I used butter.)
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar, packed
1 ½ cups flour, sifted
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon baking soda in 1 teaspoon boiling water
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 ½ or 3 cups Captain Crunch cereal

Cream margarine and sugar, add egg and vanilla. Add baking soda and water. Then add remaining dry ingredients. Drop on a cookie sheet and bake at 350º for 8-10 minutes.

Source: Centennial Plus One Cook Book

Special K Meatless Roast

We all have that failed relationship in our past; the one we look back on and wonder, “If we had a chance to do it all again, tell me…would we? Could we?”

That pretty much sums up how I feel about Special K Meatless Roast. I first made it for Caker Christmas three years ago. I didn’t know what kind of pan to put it in, so I molded it into a log and put it on a baking sheet. Unfortunately, it spread and came out of the oven looking like the doormat to Hell’s gates. No one touched it.

But I wanted to go back and get it right. So this time, I used a loaf pan. Lo and behold, it came out looking like meat, smelling like meat and tasting like…well, the jury’s still out on that one. But at least I have closure.

6 cups Special K
6 eggs
½ cup corn oil
½ cup pecans, chopped
1 package Lipton Onion Soup mix
2 pounds cottage cheese (see note)

Heat oven to 350°. Mix all ingredients together and bake (covered with foil) in greased pan [Editor's note: See how VAGUE this part is?] for 1 hour.  Remove foil last 15-20 minutes to brown top.

Note: 2 pounds = 2 large containers

Source: The Best of Enbridge

Spaghetti Pie

If there’s one ethnicity that has the biggest bone to pick with cakers, it’s the Italians. They gave us pizza. We turned it into Pillsbury Pizza Pops. They gave us tomato sauce. We turned it into Ragú. And they gave us frittata di spaghetti e ricotta which we then turned into Spaghetti Pie.

Italians also gave us spumoni ice cream but we gave it the hell back.

Nevertheless, this Spaghetti Pie (prounounce it “spageddy pah” when serving it to Italians and watch them bite their fists) tastes damn good. Especially the day after it’s made. So if you make it – and I hope you do – warm it up in the oven the next day.

As the Italians say, “Bun appetita!”

3 ½ cups cooked spaghetti
2 tablespoons butter
2 eggs, beaten
½ cup Parmesan cheese
1 cup cottage cheese
1 to 2 cups spaghetti sauce
½ cup mozzarella cheese

Mix cooked spaghetti with butter, eggs and Parmesan cheese. Put into a well greased pie plate. Form a piecrust. Add cottage cheese on top of formed crust. Pour spaghetti sauce onto piecrust. Spread evenly. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes. Sprinkle ½ cup mozzarella cheese on top. Bake 5 minutes more or until cheese melts. This dish freezes well. Thaw before baking.

Source: Our 20th Anniversary Cookbook, Lambeth Co-operative Playschool Inc.

Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie n’ Oreo Fudge Brownie Bar

Good lord. Doesn't the name alone make your pantyhose feel tighter?

Recently, a colleague of mine brought these bars into the office. I was mesmerized. A Double-Stuff Oreo sandwiched between a chocolate chip cookie and a fudge brownie?!? It was like the turducken of squares.

You can find the recipe at the blog, Kevin & Amanda, along with some serious food porn shots. I'm not sure why you have to make the chocolate chip layer from scratch, especially when you use Oreos and packaged brownie mix. So I bought ready-made cookie dough. It added that extra dash of je ne sais caker. I also made them in an 8” x 8” pan.

Make sure to keep the Kleenex handy. After eating one of these monsters, the guilt will move you to tears.

A big caker thanks to Kyla and Naira for bringing these to the attention of my waistline. Have YOU come across a caker recipe that you think people will enjoy despise find interesting? Send it to me and I'll do my best to make sure it gets the recognition it rightly deserves. Email cakercooking at gmail dot com.

SLUT UPDATE: A friend recently contacted me to say that she's made these bars before. But the ones she made were called Slutty Brownies. Hmm...I wonder which name I prefer? She also recommends adding a scoop or two of peanut butter to the cookie dough batter. My god, what's next? A dip in the deep fryer? You can check out the recipe for Slutty Brownies on the blog, Handle the Heat. Thanks for the tip, Martha! (No, her last name isn't Stewart.)

Coke Roast

First off, get the good stuff. I’m talking Colombian. Roasts are expensive and you don’t want to be throwing money away on substandard cocaine. Next, sprinkle the cocaine over the roast and…

Oh, who am I kidding? This roast is made with Coca Cola, not cocaine. Do you think cakers can even afford cocaine? The most hardcore we get is a few discreet sniffs of Liquid Paper while painting our nails white.

I’ve never met a caker who didn’t love a Sunday roast, especially if it’s been cooked in pop. (My sister swears by a combination of Lipton Onion Soup mix and ginger ale.) While visiting my Mom last Sunday, I found this recipe in her copy of The Four Ingredient Cookbooks, or, as I call it, If You’re a Caker and Can Count to Four, You’re in Luck.

My mom and I gave this roast two thumbs up. It was tender, sweet and tangy. Note the side of broccoli. I've already discussed the caker condition known as "broccoli backwind." My sincere apologies to the other passengers on the Greyhound bus that night.

Beef Brisket or Roast

1 package dry onion soup mix

1 (12 ounce) jar chili sauce

1 (12 ounce) can regular Coke

Mix soup, chili sauce and Coke together. Pour over roast, cover and bake at 350° for 30 minutes per pound. DO NOT USE FOIL WITH THIS BECAUSE OF COKE. 

Source: The Four Ingredient Cookbooks...