Buster Bar Dessert

I should’ve declared June as “My Clearasil Month.” Two weeks ago, I featured a homemade Orange Julius inspired by my first job. This week, I’m serving up a caker dessert based on the popular Dairy Queen treat. And if anyone should know what a Buster Bar tastes like, it’s me. Because I made lots of them. That’s right, folks. I used to be a Dairy Queen.

Here are some interesting facts I learned while working there:

1) You can get any three toppings you want on a banana split (most people assume there’s some kind of weird pineapple, chocolate and strawberry restriction.)


2) Make sure no customers are around before you get freaky with the whipped cream dispenser.

3) If you stick your tongue into the cone dip, you’ll burn it.

Another thing I learned is that Spanish peanuts (the ones with the skin on them) taste the best. And that’s what we used for Buster Bars. So when you make this dessert, opt for those instead of chopped peanuts. I’d also skip the Oreos on top and cover with a layer of that chocolate magic shell stuff. Lastly, if you want sh-t to get really real, serve with an air of teen angst and a bandaged tongue.

48 Oreo cookies (see note)
¼ cup melted butter
½ gal. vanilla ice cream
8 ounces Cool Whip
1 cup peanuts
1 jar hot fudge topping

Crush cookies and mix with melted butter. Reserve 1 cup for topping, press into 9” x 13” pan. Put softened ice cream on top of cookie layer and freeze. Pour hot fudge sauce over and add peanuts, freeze. Spread Cool Whip on top, sprinkle with reserved cookie crumbs and freeze.

Note: one bag

Source: National Mfg. Co. 1901-2001 Centennial Cookbook

Taco Salad

I used to love when my Michigan relatives came for a visit. We’d send my uncle off to the park in the morning to reserve a picnic table (and clean off the bird poop). A few hours later, the Americans would arrive in their visors and Detroit Tigers hats, car trunks loaded up with boxes of chips and buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken, announcing, “Oh my gad! Can someone get Bannie a pap?”

It was Bonnie, in fact, who first introduced me to Taco Salad. I remember the exact moment she brought out the bowl, tore open a bag of Doritos, crushed them up and poured them in. “Cheez of Whiz," I thought. “Them American cakers know how to do things right.”

Perfect for a summer picnic, Taco Salad (not to be confused with the equally delicious Taco Salad Casserole) combines ground beef, cheese, iceberg lettuce, and yes, Doritos. I’m warning you ahead of time – you won’t be able to stop eating this. Make sure there are other people around. Otherwise, your tears will make the Doritos all soggy.

4 tomatoes, chopped
1 onion, chopped (see note)
1 pound ground beef, cooked
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 bag crushed Doritos
1 head lettuce
250 ml bottle Catalina salad dressing

Prepare everything ahead of time. Mix everything together approximately five minutes before serving. (This salad is great for large gatherings. Even half this recipe makes a large salad suitable for a family of four.)

Note: My taste testers found the onion a bit strong. I used white onion. They suggested green onions might be better. Whatever. Everyone’s a critic.

Source: What’s Cooking at St. Joseph

Orange Julius Shake

Aren’t cakers complicated? On the one hand, we’re all about convenience and ease when it comes to our food. So why do we have recipes for homemade Bailey’s Irish Cream, Skor Bars and Shake n’ Bake coating? After all, isn’t it easier just to go out and buy the damn things?

Easier, yes. Cheaper, no. And a caker penny saved is a penny that can towards getting your tips frosted. Why, just look at this Orange Julius. At the food court, you’d pay close to five bucks. This cost me less than two bucks to make. (Four bucks if you count the glass I bought at Goodwill.) And yes, it tastes just as good as the original, if not better. After all, it’s made with two essential caker ingredients: love and tightassedness.

True confession: My first job was working at an Orange Julius. I had to wear brown polyester. And I got fired. Consider this recipe my revenge. And yes, it’s best served cold.

1/3 can orange juice concentrate
1/3 cup skim milk
1/3 cup water
½ teaspoon vanilla
¼ cup sugar
5 or 6 ice cubes

Combine ingredients in blender then add ice cubes.


Source: Culinary Creations Down the Line, Interprovincial Pipeline Company

Pink Thing Winners!

Hosting contests is stressful because I always think, “What if I don’t get any entries?” So I was over the moon with the entries I received in my Pink Thing contest. I immediately called Mother and said, "See? I do have friends."

You’ve all been waiting with bated breath, and now I’m happy to announce the winner…or is that the winners?

Yes, that’s right. I chose two entries. Congratulations to veg-o-matic and bluerhondda! You’re both getting signed copies of my book, Fruit. No need to pinch yourselves. (But please email me at cakercooking at gmail dot com with your mailing addresses so I can send you the book.)

Thanks to everyone who entered. You made my Pink Thing proud.

Speaking of pink, check back Monday for something orange. And frothy.

Here's veg-o-matic's inspired Pink Thing entry (sung to the tune of "Think Pink.")

Pink Thing!
Pink Thing—it’s a Caker Ooh la la!
Pink Thing!
The dessert with a certain je ne sais pas!
Jell-O’s out, pie’s passé,
Cake’s de trop and déclassé.
And there is not the slightest excuse
For chocolate mousse
Or soufflé!
Pink Thing!
One spoonful will make your taste buds thrill!
Pink Thing—why, it’s even better than Whip ‘N Chill!
This most delicious Caker dish is
Even popular in Beijing
It’ll make you dance a Highland Fling—
Pink Thing!

And here's bluerhondda's entry, which rhymes "lick" with "dick" and "raunchy" with "paunchy." Quite the skill set.

Pink Thing's easy

Pink Thing's cool

Pink Thing's like a Caker fool*

Pink Thing may sound

kinda raunchy

(and it makes your tummy paunchy)

But if you like

desserts to lick

it's one step up

from Spotted Dick!

* fruity dessert

Idiot Cake

As a kid, I loved fruit cocktail. Yes, there were never enough cherries, but there were plenty of mushy, unidentifiable white and beige cubes swimming in a thick syrup made of 98% sugar. What more could a cavity-ridden child ask for?

A favourite of cakers everywhere, Idiot Cake (a.k.a. Fruit Cocktail Cake) is the softest, fruitiest and squishiest cake you’ll ever eat. The cake itself is pretty special, but once you pour that hot milk, sugar and butter mixture overtop, you’re left with something that resembles a wet sponge. Only it tastes better than a wet sponge. Like, a lot.

As to why it’s called Idiot Cake, who knows? Maybe you’re an idiot if you screw up the recipe. Or you’re an idiot if you don’t like it. Or maybe you’re an idiot if you don’t make the cake (which you should, because it’s delicious).

Shredded coconut alert! Do NOT attempt to eat this cake without a toothpick handy. Otherwise, your co-workers might catch you flossing your teeth with the corner of your business card. Then you’ll really look like an idiot. Trust me on this one.

1½ cups white sugar
½ cup corn oil
2 eggs
Beat and mix well.
Sift:
2 cups flour
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons soda
Add: 1 14-ounce can fruit cocktail. Mix well.
Pour above mixture into a 9x13 pan. Greased and floured. Bake at 350° for 45 minutes.
Topping:
½ cup butter
¾ cup white sugar
½ cup milk
Boil together for 1 minute. Remove from heat and add 1 teaspoon vanilla. Pour over cooled cake in pan while still hot. Sprinkle with ½ cup coconut. This also makes a delicious dessert (see note) served with ice cream, whipped cream or Dream Whip.

Note: “Also makes a delicious dessert?” What other reason would you eat this? For breakfast? Actually, now that I think about it….

PS: I’ll announce the winner of my Pink Thing contest this Friday!

Source: Women’s Ministries Cook Book, Calvary Pentecostal Church

Pink Thing

The bad news? We’re at the end of Unfortunately Named Caker Recipe Month. The good news? I’ve got something pink.

Like most cakers, I enjoy entertaining. Once the crockpot has been unplugged, the paper plates crammed into the garbage and the Taster’s Choice has been served, there’s nothing I like more than turning to my guests and asking, “Who’s got room for some Pink Thing?”

Look, there’s no reason to feel ashamed – everyone should indulge every now and then. Pink Thing is creamy, tasty as heck and hits the spot. Toss in some nuts and you’re in seventh heaven. Take it from someone who knows – Pink Thing delivers!

A few months back, I gave readers the chance to win copies of my novel, Natural Order, along with a handwritten recipe card. Fellow blogger Mimi was one of the winners and I sent her the recipe for Pink Thing. (Check out her results.) Naturally, I had to taste Pink Thing for myself – and now I’ve got another contest lined up!

Simply leave a comment that uses Pink Thing in a sentence. I’ll pick the best one and send the winner a copy of my first book, Fruit. I’ll even sign it so you get an extra 50 cents on eBay. Make sure you leave your comment by next Sunday, June 2. (And yes, you can opt in as "Anonymous.")

Good luck!

1 can cherry pie filling
1 can Eagle Brand milk
1 can pineapple tidbits
1 carton Cool Whip
1 ½ cups pecans, chopped

Mix and refrigerate overnight. Spoon into pudding dishes or parfait glasses. Serves 8.

Source: London Newcomer’s Cook Book

(Yep, this is the same gem that gave me “This is Terrible – the Soda is Overwhelming!” Cherry Pudding.)

Make Do Squares

It's week three of Unfortunately Named Caker Recipes and I can hardly stand the excitement. This week’s recipe doesn’t have the same visual associations as Bun Spread or Corn Ring, but I think these squares are about as unfortunately named as caker recipes get.

Nothing says “low expectations” more than Make Do Squares. I’m not saying that cakers take a lot of pride in our cooking, but most of us at least put some effort into faking it. Call these squares “Cereal Celebration Crunchies.” Call them “Chocolate Cheerio Squares.” Just don't call them what they are – which is pretty much a brown cube of I-simply-don't-give-a-crap.

If you do make Make Do Squares, avoid bringing them to funerals, bridal showers or anniversary parties. You’ll send a mixed message which will leave people thinking you’re a) mean b) lazy c) suicidal or d) all three. Instead, save them for yourself for those times when you’re tired of making do with your job, your weight or your oppressive, suffocating relationship with Mother.

1/3 pound butter or margarine (see note)
12 ounce package chocolate or butterscotch chips
1 cup peanut butter
8 ounce package walnuts
1 bag miniature marshmallows or 3 to 4 cups of your favourite cereal (ie Captain Crunch, Cheerios)

Melt the butter, chips and peanut butter over medium heat. Add vanilla and remaining ingredients. Press into buttered 8 x 12 pan. Cool. Cut into squares.

Note: I screwed up the recipe and accidentally used 2/3 pounds of butter. They turned out a little, er, slick. But that's okay. I made did with them.

Source: Simply Delicious! A Collection of our Favourite Recipes, The United Way of Leeds and Grenville