Pineapple Cream Cake

Let's be honest  – caker food is built like a brick shit house. The day after armageddon, there’ll be a cockroach nibbling on a Triscuit somewhere in the world. The longevity of caker food could have something to do with the preservatives, but I like to think it’s more survival of the fattest fittest.

I served this Pineapple Cream Cake to some caker friends last week. They rated it between a 6 and 7 out of 10. Not bad, I thought, but certainly not blog-worthy. Two nights later, I served the leftovers to my family. And in a matter of 48 hours, that cake had gone from a 7 to a 10. Everyone loved it. Two days after that, the cake had reached new heights of flavour. In fact, this pretty well sums it up.

My advice to you? Although the recipe says to let it sit for 24 hours in the fridge, leave this cake longer. Heck, let it fester for a few months like a bottle of Blue Nun. Don't worry. Caker food can take it.

500 gram box yellow cake mix
19 ounce (540 gram) can crushed pineapple, in own juice, undrained
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 (102 gram) packages instant vanilla pudding mix
3 cups milk
1 cup whipping cream
1/4 cup icing sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup shredded coconut

In a 9" x13" pan, bake cake according to package instructions. Meanwhile, combine pineapple with its juice and sugar in medium saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until thick and syrupy, about 20 minutes. When cake is done, remove from oven and pierce top with fork at 1" intervals. Pour pineapple mixture over cake and spread evenly. Cool completely. Combine pudding mixes with milk in medium bowl. Blend until thick. Spread over cake. Beat whipping cream in medium bowl until soft peaks form. Add icing sugar and vanilla. Continue beating until stiff. Spread over cake. Refrigerate for 24 hours. (Editor's note: OR LONGER!!) Before serving, sprinkle with coconut.

Source: St. Mary's C.W.L. Grafton Cookbook

JELL-O Pineapple Rings

Here's a nifty caker side dish that my mom used to serve alongside Sunday hams. Even though nothing made me gag more than a pink, simmered ham, I never had any trouble downing a few of these JELL-O pineapple rings.

Hmm. Wonder if the sugar had anything to do with it.

Drain a can of pineapple rings and fill with JELL-O.

Chill. When set, slide a knife around the edge and shake it out.

Slice and serve. So pretty you may want to wear it as jewellery.

Chocolate Chiffon Dessert

Book description: Attention all chocolate lovers! This is for you—a sheer bit of goodness you'll want to whip up often.

Well, here it is, folks. The last recipe for Gelatin July. 

You know, I learned two important things on my vintage caker journey. The first is that you can encase pretty much anything in gelatin. The second—and most important—thing I learned is just because you can encase anything in gelatin doesn’t mean you should. Like a dark night of the soul, gelatin can take you down paths that shouldn't be travelled. 

We end our month—fittingly—with dessert. This chocolate chiffon dessert wasn’t bad. It was light, moussey and not overly sweet. And while it left me feeling gassy, I’d eat it again. But only in private. Or in the company of elderly spinsters.

Next week, we return to old school caker cooking with a little help from the St. Mary's Catholic Women's League! 

1 envelope Knox Unflavoured Gelatin

1/2 cup sugar, divided

1/8 teaspoon salt

1/3 cup cocoa

3 eggs, separated

1 1/2 cups milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

Whipped Cream (I used Dream Whip. What the heck?)

Mix gelatin, 1/4 cup of the sugar, salt and cocoa in top of double boiler. Beat egg yolks and milk together. Add to gelatin. Cook over boiling water, stirring constantly until gelatin is dissolved, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Chill to unbeaten egg white consistency. Beat egg whites until stiff. Beat in remaining 1/4 cup sugar. Fold chocolate gelatin mixture into egg whites. Turn into 4-cup mold or individual molds. Chill in refrigerator until firm. Unmold on serving plate and garnish with whipped cream.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Source: Knox On-Camera Recipes: A completely new guide to Gel-Cookery

Molded Macaroni and Cheese

Book description: None. It was a recipe tucked at the back of the book and I felt sorry for it.

Yes, I know this looks like a spaceship, but I wasn’t sure how to garnish it. That’s one of the dilemmas of vintage caker cooking—the presentation has to divert people’s attention from the taste.

In many ways, I have to tip my hat to my vintage caker forefathers and foremothers. They knew how to decorate the shit out of their food.

As to how that food actually tastes…meh.

And that, for me, is the crucial shortfall of vintage caker cooking. All style and no substance. I’d rather have five minutes of tasty ugly than a lifetime of pretty banality.

Wait a minute...is that the same thing Shelby said in Steel Magnolias?

I can’t think of a better way to wrap up Gelatin July than with a quivering brown tower. Watch for next week’s exciting final recipe!

1 envelope Knox Unflavoured Gelatin

1¼ cups water, divided

1 cup grated Cheddar Cheese

1 tablespoon lemon juice

2 teaspoons grated onion

1 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons chopped parsley

1 tablespoon chopped pimento

½ cup diced celery

1½ coups cooked broken macaroni

½ cup mayonnaise

Sprinkle gelatin on ½ cup of the water to soften. Place over low heat and stir until gelatin is dissolved. Remove from heat and stir in remaining ¾ cup water and cheese. Stir until cheese has softened. Add lemon juice, onion and salt. Chill to unbeaten egg white consistency. Fold in remaining ingredients. Turn into a 3-cup mold or individual molds and chill until firm. Unmold by dipping mold in warm water to depth of gelatin. Loosen around the edge with tip of a paring knife. Place serving dish on top of mold; turn upside down. Shake, holding dish tightly to mold. Garnish.

Source: Knox On-Camera Recipes: A completely new guide to Gel-Cookery

Salmon Mousse

Book description: Ideal for meatless meals and hot-weather dining, this hearty main-dish salad is a compliment-getter.

First up, the book lied. I didn’t get any compliments on this.

Secondly, there’s something about food being molded back into the shape of when it was alive that disturbs me.

Thirdly, I ran out of capers and had to use a raisin for the eye.

But all of that aside, I have to say this vintage caker salmon mousse was pretty tasty. Funny how whipped cream makes everything taste better: salmon, pasta sauces, toilet paper…The list is endless.

1 envelope Knox Unflavoured Gelatin

1 tablespoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon dry mustard

¼ cup water

¼ cup vinegar

2 cups flaked canned salmon

1 tablespoons capers

½ cup heavy cream, whipped

Mix gelatin, sugar, salt and dry mustard thoroughly in a saucepan. Add water and vinegar. Place over low heat, stirring constantly until gelatin is dissolved. Remove from heat and chill mixture to unbeaten egg white consistency. Fold in salmon, celery and capers. Fold in whipped cream. Turn into a 3-cup mold or individual molds and chill until firm. Unmold by dipping mold in warm water to depth of gelatin. Loosen around the edge with tip of a paring knife. Place serving dish on top of mold; turn upside down. Shake, holding dish tightly to mold. Garnish.

It looks so sad here. 

Source: Knox On-Camera Recipes: A completely new guide to Gel-Cookery

Green Salad Mold

Book description: A new and deliciously different twist for a popular stand-by – green salad is molded for added pleasure.

I know what you’re thinking.

This looks like the brain of a Cabbage Patch Kid.

Admittedly, I went a little overboard with the styling, but that seems to be a fundamental part of vintage caker cooking. The dishes have to look pretty. Problem is, I'm not sure "pretty" is the first adjective that comes to mind when you look at this. I kept wondering, "Why? Why solidify a garden salad?"

Having said that, there were lots of different textures to enjoy: Crunchy, chewy, squishy, slimy. But I think I prefer my salads footloose and fancy free. Pass the Catalina.

1 envelope Knox Unflavoured Gelatin

1 tablespoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon pepper

1 ¾ cup water, divided

¼ cup vinegar

1 tablespoon lemon juice

¼ cup chopped scallions

1 cup shredded raw spinach

1 cup chopped celery

¼ cup shredded raw carrots

Mix gelatin, sugar, salt and pepper thoroughly in a saucepan. Add ½ cup of the water. Place over low heat, stirring constantly until gelatin is dissolved. Remove from heat and stir in remaining 1¼ cups water, vinegar and lemon juice. Chill mixture to unbeaten egg white consistency. Fold in scallions, spinach, celery and carrots. Turn into a 3-cup mold or individual molds and chill until firm. Unmold by dipping mold in warm water to depth of gelatin. Loosen around the edge with tip of a paring knife. Place serving dish on top of mold; turn upside down. Shake, holding dish tightly to mold. Garnish.

Source: Knox On-Camera Recipes: A completely new guide to Gel-Cookery

July is Gelatin Month!

The Three Cakers

Before heading into the soft and glistening world of gelatin for the month of July, I thought it necessary to identify the three types of caker cooking – and here you thought there was only one!

1) New School Caker

Think Sandra Lee, Duncan Hines frosting and Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercials. 

2) Old School Caker

Think ’70s, full-sodium canned soup and TV Guide recipes.

3) Vintage Caker

Think Sunday hams, pickled watermelon rinds, gelatin molds and your grandmother.

Of these, cakers generally find vintage the hardest to…er, swallow. Case in point: a friend brought a party sandwich loaf to Caker Christmas a few years back. It’s a loaf of white bread, made into sandwiches with various fillings (usually tuna, egg and salmon). The sandwiches are then reassembled back into a loaf shape, which is then “iced” with cream cheese.

No one touched it. In fact, several people didn’t return the following year, including my friend. Perhaps, like Dr. Frankenstein, he was traumatized by his own creation.

Recently, someone gave me a copy of Knox On-Camera Recipes: A completely new guide to Gel-Cookery. I became entranced by the recipes: Tomato Aspic, Chicken Mousse and Chocolate Chiffon Dessert, among others. This was vintage caker cooking in all of its jiggly glory. Maybe the world needed to give vintage caker cooking a second chance.

For the next four weeks, I’ll feature a different recipe from the book. Truthfully, I have no idea how this will go. My old school caker gut is telling me that some foods simply aren’t meant to be encased in gelatin.

But I could be wrong.

Let’s go on a gelatin journey and find out.