Knoxapocalypse!

If you were reading Caker Cooking in the summer, you might remember an unfortunate period where I dabbled in "Vintage Caker Cooking." In other words, crap made with gelatin. It was a dark period in my life and, after some intensive therapy, I can honestly say those nightmares where I'm being chased by a salmon with a raisin eye have stopped.

Some of my fellow bloggers recently took on a gelatin challenge of their own: to make the grossest stuff possible with gelatin.

If you're feeling adventurous, check out what Mimi, Ruth, Emily and Lexi concocted. But be warned. This is NOT for the faint of heart.

Hello Dollies

When you think of epic romances, a number of couples come to mind: Romeo and Juliet, Liz and Dick, Kim Kardashian and Kim Kardashian. But no duo comes close to the red hot flame shared between cakers and Hello Dollies squares.

Give us some graham cracker crumbs, a bag of chocolate chips, a handful of shredded coconut and a 9”x13” pan, and you’ll see passion that makes Paula Deen’s love for taters seem like small potatoes.

A commenter recently asked if I had a good Hello Dollies recipe. I have several, including the one featured below. Grab your walnuts and melted margarine, dim the lights and put on the Kenny G. It’s time to make some caker lovin'.

1 cup graham crumbs
1/4 cup melted margarine
Mix and put in a 9”x13” pan (see note)

Layer:
1 cup chocolate chips
1 cup coconut
1 cup walnuts or peanuts
1 cup cherries (optional)

Pour 1 can Eagle Brand milk over all. Bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes until lightly browned.

Note: I like ‘em thick, so I made mine in a 8”x8” pan and baked for about 5 minutes longer. I also put the pan under the broiler for a few minutes to get the top nice and golden. Oh, yeah.

Source: From the Lakeshore Ladies Kitchens

Paper Bag Apple Pie

Some aunts bake brownies. But other aunts, like my Aunt Marion, bake brownies and add a caramel ribbon in the centre. In other words, she was a woman after my own heart.

Aunt Marion was a baker extraordinaire. She was the one who first introduced me to Rice Krispies Golf Balls and a host of other desserts, squares and sweets.

I remember visiting once and she made Paper Bag Apple Pie. Naturally, I was mystified. How was it that the bag didn’t burn? And what was the point of the bag? (Truthfully, I'm not sure there is a point. Cakers just like doing weird things with their food.)

Aunt Marion passed away recently. To salute her and all the other caramel ribbon aunts, I’m posting this recipe. Here’s hoping there’s a big bake table waiting for them – and us – on the other side.

3 or 4 large baking apples
½ cup sugar
2 tablespoons flour
½ teaspoon nutmeg (see note)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
½ cup sugar
½ cup flour
½ cup butter

Heat over to 425°. Prepare apples by paring, coring and slicing. Combine ½ cup sugar, 2 tablespoons flour and nutmeg and sprinkle over apples. Toss to coat well and spoon into a pastry shell. Drizzle with lemon juice. Combine ½ cup sugar and ½ cup flour for topping in small bowl and cut in the butter. Sprinkle this topping over the apples to cover the top. Slide the pie into a heavy paper bag, large enough to cover pie loosely. Fold the open end over twice and fasten with paper clips. Place on a large cookie sheet for easy handling. Bake for 1 hour. Split bag open and remove the pie. Cool on wire rack.

Note: I found the pie a little nutmeggy for my taste. If you prefer cinnamon, use that instead.

Source: Favorites of My Family, Charlotte H. Hansen

Cranberry Chicken

Sometimes, when I scan the ingredients for a caker recipe, it feels like I'm looking at the people of the world.

“There’s no way," I think to myself, "Simply no way all these differing tastes and colours and textures will ever come together into a harmonious blend of flavour.”

But then I go on a wing and a prayer and the next thing I know, I'm eating something that tastes (sorta) delicious. And it makes me wonder if, some day, we'll all come together and reside in the world's biggest casserole dish.

Until that time comes, there’s this. And Cranberry Chicken.


1 whole chicken or 4 breasts
1 can whole cranberry sauce
½ cup French salad dressing
½ cup water
1 Knorr vegetable soup mix (see note)

Heat oven to 350°. Mix cranberry sauce, dressing and water. Line chicken in casserole dish. Pour sauce over chicken. Sprinkle with soup mix. Bake covered for 45 minutes. Uncover and bake for additional 10 minutes.

Note: I couldn’t find Knorr soup mix. Only Knox. And I couldn’t find vegetable, so I used another cake staple: onion. It worked out OK. I think.

Source: The Best of Enbridge

Snowballs

I don’t know where you live, but if you're in Toronto, you know how much snow we’ve had this winter – four feet of fuck-all. It feels like I’m trapped in the longest March of my life.

I know some of you exercise types might be happy about that, but the rest of us ain't. I paid good money to have snow tires put on the car. Is one catastrophic blizzard too much to ask for?

Until we get snow, here’s a tasty stand in. Granted, you can’t build a fort out of these snowballs. And I wouldn’t want one of these whipped at my head (unless my mouth was open). But they taste a lot better than actual snow. If you can remember what snow tastes like. Sigh.

1 cup sifted icing sugar
1 cup peanut butter
1 teaspoon butter or margarine
1 cup Rice Krispies
1 cup coconut
Icing Mixture
¼ cup milk
1 teaspoon icing sugar

Cream icing sugar, butter and peanut butter together. Add the Rice Krispies and make into small balls. Add and mix the icing sugar and milk to make the mixture into which the balls are dipped. After dipping, roll in coconut. NO BAKING IS REQUIRED!

WEATHER UPDATE: I posted this in the morning. It's evening now and guess what? It's snowing. Coincidence? I don't think so. I'm on the phone to the Ripley's Believe or Not people right now.

Source: Cooking Favorites of Coburg, Ladies Auxiliary Branch 133

Cheese Snacks

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I’m about as caker as you can get, but that doesn’t mean my own people can’t mystify me at times. Or horrify me. (This still gives me nightmares.) Still, I’m willing to give most cakers the benefit of the doubt.

When I saw this recipe, I wondered, “Why?” Why dip cubes of bread into cheddar cheese soup? Was this an appetizer? A main course for low-income cakers? The ramblings of a mad church lady?

But I made them, because you never know. These could be totally delicious. Right?

Let’s just say my people continue to mystify me.

1 can Campbell’s cheddar cheese soup
1 can milk (as per soup instructions)
Stale bread, cut into cubes (see note)

Prepare Campbell’s cheddar cheese soup as directed with milk. Dip bread on three sides [EDITOR'S NOTE: A cube has six sides. Why are the other three sides completely ignored?!? This should've been my first red flag.] and place on pan. Put in 450º to 475º oven for 8-10 minutes.

Note: I used sour dough bread because I thought it would taste better. Chalk one up to naïveté.

Source: Our 20th Anniversary Cookbook, Lambeth Co-operative Playschool Inc.

Homemade Hostess Cupcakes

If you're anything like me, you spent most of your youth inhaling King Dongs, Twinkies and Hostess cupcakes. When I came across this recipe recently, I passed it along to my sister. She whipped up a batch (thanks, sis!) and served them at our family dinner tonight.

Everyone had two. Enough said. You can find the recipe here.

Now if only I had a homemade Twinkie recipe...

UPDATE: I made these and they ain't caker. They took over 2 hours to make!! If you can't make it in less than 15 minutes, that's breaking a fundamental rule of caker cooking. But they were tasty.

PS: Thanks to Morag for the photo!